I want to talk about my Autism and some of the problems I have. I'm not sure if the problems are to do with Autism or something else, at some point I'll look at seeing my gp but at the moment way too busy with my daughter and my job. With Autism I constantly get overwhelmed this can be by anything big or small and it effects me in a huge way, usually with anxiety and depression. In the last year I've had a lot of thoughts that also overwhelm me. The thoughts can be really strong and I struggle to resist them. There never to hurt others but they're harmful towards myself. I managed to damage the retina in my left eye because of this, I had an overwhelming thought to look at the sun and I did it and it burnt out most of my retina so now I see very little from that eye. I still get these thoughts now, don't know if it's Autism or not. I feel it could be related but I don't know I'm not a gp. I get similar with drinking, go to have a drink and then my thoughts are saying no so I put it off and keep putting it off until I become dehydrated and feel terrible, only then do the thoughts subside and I'm able to get something. I assume this is my Autism as well because I always did struggle with drinking, the thoughts with it are new now though.
The other thing I'm struggling with is my daughter and parenting. She cries a lot and it's so loud, sends me in to an overwhelm every time. I try to do my best to cope but at times I've got to leave the room for a few seconds so I can get it together and stay calm. Another problem I'm having is with my nerves. Anxiety has got bad in the last couple of years, started with Covid and that caused me to wash and wash my hands and now they're in a bad way very sore and peeling. And this stuff with Russia is adding to the stress. I've stopped looking at it online but people in the shops and at work talk about it as well so can't escape it. And my last problem is death related. I've never been good at dealing with or processing death. I lost my dad when I was 14 and then my mum when I was 19. I'm 22 soon and in February I lost my boyfriend, he was literally my everything and he helped me in so many ways. He was one of the few people who actually understood my Autism and helped me cope with it. I miss him so much and I'm still not able to get my head round his death. Keep expecting him to come through the door or to hear his voice. I talk to his picture every night, brings me a small comfort and makes me feel I'm not on my own. I feel I do need to find some support for all of this but I don't know who to turn to. There's the gp but I don't want to be pushed in to the mental health department, I want help with Autism as I feel that's what all this is related to. I don't know who else to go to with all this.
