I have recently left school and am taking odd jobs during my gap year before going onto university in the autumn (place applied for and accepted with unconditional offer, this is a certainty).
I massively struggle with people interaction, my time at school made that clear, so I have avoided jobs like assistant in supermarkets because I am aware that the combination of the massively overbearing sensory aspect of it (I struggle to enter as a customer sometimes) and the communication necessities would just ruin me. It is highly unlikely that I'd be able to make it through a shift and even if I did the consequences afterwards would be too much for me to cope with.
My regular work is a combination of online and in person tutoring, and working at a farmers market on Saturdays. However this only takes up my afternoons and, while I have other activities to occupy myself with, I and particularly my mother think I should be expanding my work load.
But I'm already really struggling. Tutoring isn't too bad, it is 1-1 or very small groups for my volunteer tutoring (which I love), and is about subjects I am very knowledgeable in (or have a special interest for some areas of science and maths) and so the communication is largely balanced with the interest pursuit. However the communication with parents in and around sessions, and constant applying for/talking to potential students is massively anxiety inducing and even the lessons themselves can lead to shut downs and sometimes even meltdowns along with the par for the course exhaustion that for me follows every interaction. School used to be a case of coming home and lying/sitting in my 'nest' (a dark blanket fort type thing I would make in my room) for hours while I recuperated from the day most days. This isn't new, but it still sucks.
Market on the other hand is much worse. It's a 5.5 hour shift, 7-12, relatively small considering most shops do 8 hours or higher. It involves setting up, packing up and working with customers for sales etc. I like it while I'm there, it's stressful but I'm quite food oriented in terms of the cooking bit so I enjoy talking to customers about recipes and the process of dealing with money is something I can do quite well. It's all the bits most people (largely NTs) don't think about that drag it down. Appropriate facial expressions, eye contact where necessary (which it isn't usually, I just keep looking at calculators) talking, dealing with the hustle and bustle of the market (noise, the cafe next to us sometimes uses flashing fairy lights which is not good). Through school and previous experience with busy environments, I've developed a very thorough what I now know to call 'mask', but once it stops and I'm finished whatever has been classified as 'necessary' the mask drops and I'm left with shutdowns, meltdowns, and exhaustion that invariably lasts the rest of the day. I frequently sleep for three hours in the afternoon once I get home, and then sleep 10+ hours in the evening, and am still weary the next day. I have been known to sleep a total of 18 hours after a shift, going to sleep at 4 and missing dinner and waking up at 10. My normal sleep schedule is about 6-9 hours a night. That's from 5 and a half hours of work. I also often get meltdowns and shutdowns, both of which frequently involve self harm, and it puts me more on edge for the rest of the week which leaves me more vulnerable to them and unrelated self harm for the rest of the week.
I'm getting help from a social prescriber but the mental health services he referred me to, including just getting assessed by the mental health team, have long waiting lists and so far haven't made contact, leaving me in limbo. I feel like I'm having to make decisions that I know will make my mental wellbeing worse, while it's already bad and having to be carefully kept under control to prevent it spiralling, and it feels irresponsible to do so but feels equally lazy and reprehensible to not at least try to get more work.
I don't yet have a diagnosis, I was referred for full assessment after triage in July and my diagnosis team said to contact them if I hadn't heard by March, which I fully intend on doing, so I feel uncomfortable asking for accommodations. School was handled by every teacher assuming someone else had given me permission to wear earphones, go to a separate quiet space, or work off of written sources instead of listening to the teacher. That's not going to happen here.
I am looking for basically any advice. Suitable jobs for someone with limited to no experience and a nightmare communicating with large numbers of people, tips for working with sensory issues in a work environment, managing the aftermath of masking and having meltdowns in a less dangerous way. Anything would be helpful here because I feel like I've tried everything with the information I previously had.
Sorry for the long read and congrats if you've made it this far.
