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Trapped in depression because of my job

NAS77304

Hi

I’ve never liked my jobs because I have depression. It comes and goes, but it highly impacts my motivation and interest in work. Then I get anxious about not being productive. Also I am tired of caring/getting worked up about all the little “urgent” tasks at work and making managers happy. None of it really matters. Like it does, but it doesn’t. Especially considering how much turmoil the world is in. I wish we could focus on fixing those issues instead of our mundane jobs.

I know I need to compartmentalize and just get through the work day, but I keep getting paralyzed by being unmotivated, and overwhelmed by all the b.s. things I am paid to care about.

For context I have a “big girl job” in corporate America. I shouldn’t throw it away. I should be happy for all the benefits it provides but I just wanna crawl into a hole most days.

I am trying to keep up with hobbies and activities outside of work, which helps a little, but every day lately I am in such a slump during the work day. 

  • I know exactly how you feel I hated my job at the civil service. And it wasn't even that for from my interests. When I wasn't dealing with red tape I was doing mathematical modelling of infectious diseases. But it was so rudimentary and full of needless simplifying asumptions I found I was making up interesting work to do at the weekends on my own time. So when an opportunity for job change finally came along I was able to present this work as evidence of my innovative spirit. Maybe one of these hobbies you're doing outside of work might open the door to a career shift?

    NAS77304 said:
    “big girl job”

    My first thought reading that "aren't there specialist websites that cater to that." But seriously though maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe your job is asking for a bit too much maturity from you. Maybe you need to start asking yourself if you really want a job where you have to put on a 'front' of maturity? Or maybe just ask yourself what it is you really care about? Are you really sure that couldn't be a viable career shift?

  • Hey, I get this. Completely. I have a hard time staying at my jobs for more than a year for that reason. I’m depressed and have really bad anxiety. I have panic attacks and give myself migraines over stupid numbers and deadlines. I work in an environment where it all should mean something but truthfully it’s just another sales job. I wish I had a suggestion on what to do. Just know you’re not alone. 

  • Given that you spend more time doing your job that most other things in your life, I feel like it's important to get that bit right. Is there anything you can focus on that has meaning for you? For example could you do a similar job for a different company that has values that align more with your own, or is there scope within your company to move into a role that gives you the right kind of challenges eg less meaningless BS tasks and more that gives you a sense of achievement?

    One company that I worked for I was there for nearly a decade and for the most part I really liked working there (even though there were often lots of challenges) because it had values that I really related to, and it did everything in line with those values. When I left I realised that actually none of those values were being followed any more and that was probably at the root of my discontentment because I had stopped believing in what I was doing. At my current company the values are close enough to mine, but I directly support provision of public services, and that really gives me a sense of purpose. 

    I know how tough it can be when you not only just hate your job but that negativity starts to bleed out to all other areas of your life, and making sure you make time for hobbies and other things was a way that I 'recharge' so it's good that you are doing that. Do you have anyone at work that you trust to have some of these conversations with?