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Anxiety and travelling

NAS76946

My daughter's Dad left the family home in October and has moved three hours away. My daughter stays there every other weekend. Our daughter is 7.

This weekend her paternal grandparents are driving to visit my ex and have said they will drive my daughter. My daughter isn't very close to her grandparents and this is causing her a lot of anxiety. She says she hates herself over it.

She has begged her Dad to pick her up and has told me she would rather just not go than go with them. Her Dad is trying everything he can to make her go with them. I've tried to ask her what would make her feel comfortable but she gets upset.

My gut is saying I ask my ex to get her on the way there and then after a few days with her grandparents I'm sure she will be happy to go back with them. My ex is saying no to this though.

Am I okay to let me daughter stay home or should I be saying she has to go with the grandparents? 

Parents

  • I'm not a parent so I can't advise from that position, but because I was undiagnosed until much later in life as a child I was put in many similar situations that caused me a lot of anxiety, so can maybe offer insight there.

    In any of these situations I would have rather stayed home. It's so good that your daughter has a way of travelling that she can cope with, and I think this should be preserved as best you can, otherwise, if she is like me, she may now be anxious that the way of travelling that she feels safe with might change at any point. It may be that in future she doesn't want to go, even with her dad because of new anxieties.

    If she isn't close to her grandparents, maybe they can take her somewhere more local to you occasionally and build up some trust on shorter journeys. Then they might be able to take her at later dates. 3 hours for me is an epic journey. 3 hours with someone I don't feel comfortable with feels impossible.

    I hope you find a way that works for everyone.

Reply

  • I'm not a parent so I can't advise from that position, but because I was undiagnosed until much later in life as a child I was put in many similar situations that caused me a lot of anxiety, so can maybe offer insight there.

    In any of these situations I would have rather stayed home. It's so good that your daughter has a way of travelling that she can cope with, and I think this should be preserved as best you can, otherwise, if she is like me, she may now be anxious that the way of travelling that she feels safe with might change at any point. It may be that in future she doesn't want to go, even with her dad because of new anxieties.

    If she isn't close to her grandparents, maybe they can take her somewhere more local to you occasionally and build up some trust on shorter journeys. Then they might be able to take her at later dates. 3 hours for me is an epic journey. 3 hours with someone I don't feel comfortable with feels impossible.

    I hope you find a way that works for everyone.

Children
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