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what is it that makes a person want to carry on?

autileaf

there's just so much that i hate about the way society is and it feels like idk, it's like i feel so bothered by it that i wish i could fix it all but i can't exactly. 

i feel as though i'm constantly hiding myself- first my sexuality, then my mental health, then the fact that i'm autistic and also the fact that i feel as though i don't fully identify as female. 

life's exhausting. i don't even know how to explain it to my therapist. 

i genuinely feel as though nobody in the world cares. 

studying, my alevel work, is just piling up but realistically, i can't do more than a couple hours a day. i managed 1.5 hours today and i already feel exhausted. 

i feel as though i'm becoming more and more empty. i struggle with depression and getting out of bed can be really hard esp as there's nothing that i really enjoy. 

i'm still unsure what the meaning of life is to me.  i spend ages trying to figure it out but i just doesn't know. i'm a very deep thinker that i have a lot of deep thoughts that i kind of just get lost and confused in. 

sometimes i hate the world so much that i just don't want to be in it anymore. i just feel so misunderstood by every single person. 

ive fought against my suicidal thoughts and urges to harm myself for so long and sure, i'm no longer in crisis every week but i still can't fully see a light. i feel as though i'm just trapped in the dark. 

i still have 2 weeks till my next therapy session. my last one was a week ago. 

what is it that makes someone want to carry on?

Parents

  • Hey Im so sorry that you feel like this. It sounds like your head is full of a lot of different confusing things and there is probobly an awful lot going in there. 


    First of all, I would say dont listen to your head. Listen to what your heart is telling you and follow that. In my experience your heart is far less likley to be wrong than your head. 

    Secondly, I am a deep thinker too. I find this is not always a good thing. the more I think about the intricacies of things the more depressed I become. Its hard for us to see life as simple but it actually is. It is our brains and the people around us and the information on the internet that complicate it. Life as it is is surprisingly simple and the more we can tune out the noise the more simple it becomes.

    Thirdly, do what makes you feel alive. I know you said you feel empty inside and that you cant enjoy anything. I have felt this more times in my life than I care to remember. Do the things that make you feel the most alive, whether it is a song that speaks to your heart, a walk in the countryside looking at nature, a show on netflix, whatever it is do that and dont be afraid to be passionate about it

    As for what makes someone want to carry on, I can only speak for myself. I have huge mental health problems and I struggle to get out of bed every day. My faith is my biggest comfort, knowing there is someone there watching over me and looking after me keeps me going. My family and loved ones. Any form of art, writing, being creative, listening to beautiful, comforting music that speaks to me, cooking, being out in the countryside feeding the ducks or looking at nature. All of these things keep me going

    I hope some of this helps, sorry if it doesnt. 

  • in reply to autileaf

    Im glad. Im here if you need to talk

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