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therapy that has been harmful

autileaf

I'm a 17 year old female 

I currently have an amazing therapist whom i've had for 3 weeks who has immediately picked up on my ASD & is looking into it.

(i didn't know i had autism till around june).

i had a therapist for 15 months however (1 year via telephone, 3 months via face to face). 

things he did help with:

- reducing my suicidality 

- allowing me to recognise the thoughts & emotions that come into my head

things he didn't help with:

- he told me off for crying bc it was my fault that i was struggling

- he told me others around me secretly don't like me

- he made me feel as though every action i did was scrutinised by others as it was hurtful

- as a result of past trauma, i struggle with attachments & he told me it was narcisstic 

- he was annoyed with me when i didn't know the answers abt how smth felt in my body/when i struggled to explain my emotions. & he wld say stuff like "i don't want to ask the question bc i know the answer" , "it really annoys me when you do that"

- he told me he's "had to slowly accept that" im ND 

I worry bc i don't want such a horrible memory of him but i feel as though everyone is constantly hurting me

Parents

  • Hi autileaf,

    I'm so glad you've got an autism informed therapist now.  

    Indeed! Most of us don't get a lot out of therapies for NTs, and sometimes they do do a lot of damage.  I know some of mine did, albeit this was unwitting on the part of the therapist as neither of us knew I was autistic and therefore she just kept trying to shove me through the NT processes and I was labelled 'unco-operative' when I couldn't fit the NT box.  It's the conclusion that if it doesn't work, I am to blame that did the most harm.

    Your first therapist though I think is of a whole other order of nasty.  NT or ND, how can you tell someone off for crying in therapy, or suggest that others don't like them, or assume that a lack of attachment feelings are narcissistic?  I doubt somehow it's only his ND patients who are being harmed by him.  He's just added a layer of trauma for you.

    I'd talk that through with your current therapist, but do hang on to the fact that you did nothing wrong here and you don't have to think well of this guy if he doesn't deserve thinking well of.

Reply

  • Hi autileaf,

    I'm so glad you've got an autism informed therapist now.  

    Indeed! Most of us don't get a lot out of therapies for NTs, and sometimes they do do a lot of damage.  I know some of mine did, albeit this was unwitting on the part of the therapist as neither of us knew I was autistic and therefore she just kept trying to shove me through the NT processes and I was labelled 'unco-operative' when I couldn't fit the NT box.  It's the conclusion that if it doesn't work, I am to blame that did the most harm.

    Your first therapist though I think is of a whole other order of nasty.  NT or ND, how can you tell someone off for crying in therapy, or suggest that others don't like them, or assume that a lack of attachment feelings are narcissistic?  I doubt somehow it's only his ND patients who are being harmed by him.  He's just added a layer of trauma for you.

    I'd talk that through with your current therapist, but do hang on to the fact that you did nothing wrong here and you don't have to think well of this guy if he doesn't deserve thinking well of.

Children
  • in reply to Dawn

    thank you so much! your message helps a lot. basically the reason why he told me off for crying because he believed i wasn't trying hard enough. i don't know- since he met me, i used to just blurt out my problems which he didn't like. and the reason why he said nobody around me liked me was because i guess i just didn't present myself in the "correct" way whatever that is. 

    i don't know- it's hard. i gave him a thank you card at the end too. 

    he did help in some aspects though- i don't know. and it almost seemed as though he didn't mean it. he then said he may have made a few mistakes but said that he's had to accept that i'm ND which almost made it sound like it was problematic. he treated me as though i didn't care about others which was hurtful. 

    it's just he will be the MH professional who i've spoken to for the longest and so it feels problematic that he caused harm. therapy with him was going well at one point like down the phone i guess because there was like a barrier there and i felt safer but face to face, i don't know.

    i suppose he never validated my feelings- in his eyes, i was always irrational. 

    ugh i don't know

    sorry this is so rambly