From my research I gather that this is one of the characteristics of Autism that some people have. I gather that being preoccupied by one's own inner monologue/thoughts/feelings, and potentially appearing oblivious or unaware of other people is one of the characteristics of Autism, and it is perhaps one of the characteristics that is causing me the most issues at the moment. It's not a constant thing, just a momentary and intermittent thing. But at those moments when I must be coming across as unaware, this is not well tolerated or understood by other people. This is one of the main things that triggers negative / hostile / mean comments from other people.
I do get hurt by negative reactions from other people. It doesn't happen all the time, but an example of what I mean happened the other day, when some passing stranger said "He's not all there" about me, when passing me on the street. At the time I was stressed and anxious and preoccupied due to being a bit lost and late to get to where I needed to be. I think that I sometimes do this as some kind of defence mechanism to disassociate from anxiety or stress. The same thing happened previously in similar circumstances where I was losing the plot a bit due to stress. I have previously had other comments along the lines of "Are you with us!?" from other people, but said with a look and tone of contempt. And I can see that this behaviour is regarded very negatively by other people.
This is something that I do involuntarily, I really can't help it, despite knowing that it attracts the kind of negative attention that I really don't want. It's only a momentary thing. If my mind is not as aware of other people as perhaps is the norm to be in any moment that I am being observed then the comments can come. I'm not slow or retarded, and not really "not all there" despite appearances to the contrary. In a split second I can be bang straight back in to fully focusing my attention on my surroundings and other people. But in any moment that people may glance / look / or stare at me, I may not be conscious or aware of them at that time.
Why is it really so much not the done thing to be like this? Why must people judge this so negatively and harshly? I don't get it. If I see someone else apparently very wrapped up in their own thoughts to the extent that they may well be exhibiting a trait of Autism I don't judge. But then I suppose I wouldn't. I get that some people are cruel, ignorant, and intolerant of other people's differences, and things that they don't understand. In time this understanding of others from my own view point helps me get over the hurt. Until I can remind myself of this though and can comfort myself I am left going through a range of feelings, from hurt, and insecurity, and increased self consciousness and anxiety, and defensiveness, vulnerability, and sometimes rage and fury too.
I wish I was better at sticking up for myself, but this sort of thing ALWAYS happens only at those moments when I am at my most vulnerable, and really don't have my wits readily about me. I would love to be able to respond along the lines of "How Rude!", " Excuse me!!?", "What did you say!?", which are some of the more restrained and appropriate comebacks that I can think of. I believe that being able to respond in some way will help to alleviate some of the negative emotions I am otherwise left to stew in for hours or days or however long it takes.
I have seen these lack of awareness traits mentioned in some of Autism Quotient self diagnosis tests, and I have also heard and read about them on You Tube videos and audio books etc.
Does any one else go through any of this, or have any clue what I am talking about?
