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No longer treating myself like the enemy.

miaxx

I had a revelation last night.

I remembered when I was in primary school we had a dress up/fancy dress day.

I dressed up as a dinosaur.

Then I realised, that I am that little girl in the dinosaur costume. She is me, I am her.

I've been treating myself so badly for the last 7 years. S*lf h*rm, talking badly about myself, drinking too much, not taking care of myself, putting myself in dangerous situations.

I've been treating HER badly. That little girl in the dinosaur costume.

I cried for so long after this realisation.

How can I ever treat a little girl in a dinosaur costume badly. How can I ever talk badly about her. How can I ever hurt her. She isn't the enemy.

We're going to be a team. She is my friend, my best friend. I have to protect her and love her. She deserves respect and kindness.

I will never be treating myself badly ever again. I hope this can maybe help anyone struggling. Think about your little self. That child is you, don't treat them badly.

  • in reply to miaxx

    I just wanted to say thank you. Reading this has inspired me so much. I struggle so much with caring what other people think but there was a time when I was a kid when I had no concept of how I "should" be and I was just what I wanted to be

    Its good to remember that sometimes and to just be myslef 

  • in reply to Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia

    It makes me happy looking back to know that I was so happy in a little dinosaur costume. I was once a girl who didn't care what others thought.. that trait was definitely bullied out of me. However I think I'm regaining it again.

    My realisation has made it much easier to like myself more, which in turn makes it easier to just not care about what others think. 

  • I remember a women who bought a child sized dinosaur costume, and I incorrectly assumed that it was for her son, but she politely corrected me and said it was for daughter, and that her daughter loved dinosaurs. The amount of love that this parent has for her daughter, that this mother didn't try to persuade her daughter to get another costume, or what some would say a "better" costume, and let her daughter dress up in a way that she wanted to dress, and if she wanted to be a dinosaur and there's nothing wrong with that.

    I think that it's great that you remembered yourself as that little girl wearing the dinosaur costume. I've had similar experiences when I felt that I was in a bad state of mind to think back to the past and not harm myself. I think it's very transformative. 

  • in reply to Billy87

    Thank you so much, I feel really good about lots of things now.

    Not just being mentally kind to myself, but physically kind too. I have joined dance classes again because it's one of my favourite things to do and will keep me fit.

    Yes, as people who can be discriminated against it's so important that we look after ourselves and each other. 

    I'm going to honour myself and give myself the respect I deserve, finally.

  • This is an amazing realisation, I think its wonderful that you now want to look after yourself and be kind to yourself

    I read somewhere that we can never be kind and accept other people if we are not first kind to ourselves and accept ourselves

    I've done most of the things you said you've done as well so I understand

    As autistic people especially we need to learn to look after ourselves and take care of ourselves and its really good that you are seeing yourself that way