Verbal abuse / judgements / mocking and ridicule from other people for being a "weirdo"

Yes this is it exactly.

I am already finding it easier to change how these things affect me. I am not 'taking the insults to heart' (or at least way less than I used to previously) One of the guys at the pool club I go to seems to have taken a bit of a dislike to me and was openly insulting me. He is a respected and well liked person there so I have to play it quite carefully. I ended up just kind of glaring at him for a second or two, which was a pretty decent response I thought, hopefully it kind of helps set my boundaries, although of course he might not see it that way.

I think the whole issue has arisen either because of how I have come across to him previously, or because I have failed to greet this person so far on any occasion. I do find it very difficult to make the first move socially, difficult to know how to do it.  Whenever other people make the first move and are friendly this is usually a lot easier to know how to play things.

Something which is probably obvious to most people, but is something which I have had to learn the hard way (or need to keep reminding myself)  is that people don't half hate you if they feel you have emotionally slighted them. I sometimes seem to forget how emotionally driven people are. This has nearly always been unintentional. And its a very strange kind of blindness / forgetfulness / even stupidity as I am a person myself and I know how emotional I am, so why I sometimes fail to understand this is others is hard to comprehend. Even now that I know I have significant ASD traits.

This is the kind of thing I hope to be able to get further help with in post diagnosis support (if there is anything in my area) / meet up groups / internet forums like this.

about jokes performed on me by family members:

my sisters (I've got 3) loved to move something in my room when I was away, and when I was back, they couldn't wait to see when I notice, I could tell they are excited about something, after first time I knew that is what they are waiting for, and I would scream at them like madman, and then they would tell stories about it at every family meeting for the next half a year, and of course everyone would laugh and ridicule me

but it was only until adolescence and then everyone changes their focus

except there was nobody to tell them it is not right earlier

in my country of origin, they consider people like us sick in the head, I feel sorry for them

Shadweller said:

or if I really was just being a weirdo

that is probably typical for us

it was for me until I was 41, even tough I was waiting for diagnosis, word authistic did not mean much to me

until you realize there are others like you, and what you are experiencing is normal, nothing to be ashamed of

but society expects from people to follow unwritten rules, and we do not get them always right and not all of them.

those heartless among NTs will prey on those who do not follow rules, misconstruing what they actualy do to look like they doing right thing and excuse themselves, but they are nothing more but ignorant bullies that did not grow up

it is possible that we seeing things where they are not sometimes, paranoia isn't our friend either

for many years I let them ruin my confidence and self esteem

I know my worth now, praise from manager does not make me feel any better, it is more likely it is just formula he repeats, it matter how I perceive myself, and if I think I did good job,

bullies end up on ignore list now, I walk past them as if they were air, that drives them mad.

except at work and in communication regarding work, unofrtunately it might be neccessary to make a complain about them, hoping manager will sort them out, unless he is one of them, and past that I did not find a way to resolve it, had to leave previous job because of it.

but there are only 3 choices:

fight and change how those things affect you,

giving up I do not reccomend, been there

or let be as it is and that is a life of a martyr

The hand washing irony was not lost on my cousin, she was in hysterical laughter, guess who she was laughing at?

That’s awesome, I’m guessing the irony is lost on them. Bunch of weirdo’s

Yes, good points, thank you.

What I was trying to say though, is that if I had a diagnosis, whenever any insults were thrown at me, I would have the option of looking at the situation and deciding if what just happened was due to my Autism, or if I really was just being a weirdo / *** / ***/ whatever insult of choice).

Before my self diagnosis I did not have this option. It felt as if the only possible explanation was that I must be a weirdo, ***, *** or whatever etc. This has been very hard on my self-esteem.

You can be called a weirdo without doing anything wrong.  It depends on the context and social norms in a subculture.

I was ridiculed as a weirdo by my brother in law and his extended family because I stayed at school to do A levels.  

My mother called me a weirdo, to my cousin, because I always washed my hands before meals.  

You don’t need a diagnosis to live with who you are.

It sounds like you are already doing loads of stuff that will help you. Maybe try to work out your capacity to deal with stuff and try to only push yourself in a safe way.

There will always be people to judge you regardless don’t let them get to you, it’s only your problem if you let it be.