TW: Anorexia/ED

I mean, eating disorders are complicated, and there could be multiple factors involved. Sometimes people don't like being at a healthy weight, because of a bad experience that happened that they're trying to avoid. Or sometimes it's because they're comparing themselves to others, so they push themselves into illness because they don't feel good enough. And sometimes people get treated better when they are ill that it becomes addictive. There can be a ton of reasons. 

But if you are missing something about being ill, then you have to find what kind of things are so alluring about being ill to you, because what you are missing will draw you back into being ill. And my suggestion would be to incorperate what you are missing into your life, without having the illness be the reason for bring what you are missing into your life.

And even if you are at a healthy weight at the moment, you can still ask a doctor or a therapist for support. People with eating disorders can often fluctuate between illness and healthiness, so even if you are at a healthy weight, it does not completely void you from getting the support you need. 

It's just very hard to convince myself that I am worthy of help if I'm a healthy weight. And eating disorders are so competitive... it's hard to think I'm good enough unless I'm the 'most sick' 

It does not matter how much you weigh, you're worthy of anything. It's really difficult to feel good enough when there are people you are competing with, but you know what, since they have an eating disorder too, there's more similarities than there are differences, and they might struggle with the same things you do, and instead of seeing other people as enemies who are battling to see which one is the most sick, everyone's actually battling the same enemy, the same monster, which is the eating disorder itself. 

It does not matter how much you weigh, you're worthy of anything. It's really difficult to feel good enough when there are people you are competing with, but you know what, since they have an eating disorder too, there's more similarities than there are differences, and they might struggle with the same things you do, and instead of seeing other people as enemies who are battling to see which one is the most sick, everyone's actually battling the same enemy, the same monster, which is the eating disorder itself.