Published on 12, July, 2020
My daughter (10) with a PDA profile occasionally decides to go above and beyond in doing something extra good/helpful at home. This is completely self-initiated. We are always grateful and give her lots of praise which she seems to enjoy but a few minutes later she will always do something to upset everyone/ cause trouble / undo the ‘good work’. It’s very intentional and she will ramp up her behaviour until she gets a response. When we try to remain calm in our response she will get angry saying we haven’t appreciated her good behaviour. It always leaves us wishing she hadn’t bothered with the good behaviour in the first place. Is this something others have experienced? How can we respond?
My auto-parent response to this would be drop everything and immediately join in, do it with her and eventually see if there is something you can do together which is more rewarding and re-directs this need to expel physical energy (would she like to go for a walk with you instead?). Recieving affirmation is one thing, but it's never a substitute for connexion/co-operation/collaboration and often drawn from the polar opposite motive of competition for affection which can stem from a child feeling unsafe. For now, do you think this may be her way of expressing a cry for help?
i also just found this
https://www.pdasociety.org.uk/
I think she needs to be told by you, that you are not looking for the ideal daughter and that maybe the effort she puts into being good\helpful and is actually stressing her out.
I think she is just losing control of her emotions.
Please have a look through here to see if there is anything useful
www.autism.org.uk/.../behaviour