Hi, I'm sorry but I need advice badly. For the last nearly two weeks I have been stuck in cycle of extreme anxiety in which I wake up earlier than I normally would shivering as if cold and then feel physically anxious with upset stomach, butterflies, sudden shivery chills, and a dry mouth that makes it hard to eat. I was already having low mood before this. I admitted to my family (I live with my parents) that I was really not feeling well this time last week and we tried to get an emergency gp appointment but all they would do is put me on the days list of people for the Dr to phone and I ended up waiting until 7pm before getting a call. She said there wasn't much she could do but put my fluoxetine up by 10mg and give me some sleeping tablets. She also sent me a link to self referral talking therapies but told me it would be a wait. I couldn't do much more than agree as I had gotten so tense waiting all day I fell into that mode where you just say yes to appease them.
Last Thursday I broke down and admitted how strongly I am struggling with suicidal urges and we phoned the emergency single point of access number for the local mental health and crisis teams. Someone did phone back quite quickly and booked me an appointment with theocal mental health team for yesterday. They also told us to contact a gp and request a short course of medication to calm me until then. Unfortunately when we tried to follow their advice the gp surgery refused without hearing from the mental health team and when mum phoned the number we had been given for the mental health team they said they couldn't do anything without seeing me and told us to go back to the gp. By this point I had lost any energy to fight so just waited for the appointment on Monday and stuck close to my parents to try and make sure I wouldn't try anything.
Unfortunately yesterday our appointment turned out to be half an hour with a nurse and a student and the nurse just kept saying that "it sounds like it's all down to the autism" He gave me the same self referral links the gp did for the most part and said he'd go speak to the consultant to see if he wanted to see me but then warned me that "we aren't commissioned to handle autism so you might get sent back to your gp". It felt like I wasn't given any help or even any idea of what to expect might be forthcoming, just dismissed and told I would receive a letter in a few days.
What do I need to do for someone to actually help me? I came clean before making an attempt as I desperately don't want to devastate my family, but now it almost feels like they don't really think I am at risk. I'm trying to fight off these thoughts with everything I have but I am gradually getting worn down and spending a lot of time thinking about it and even making plans. They knew from the triage call I have specific plans but because my parents know there doesn't seem to be any real concern. I don't know what to do
