I suppose its a stupid question to ask if others suffer from not so much a fear, but a problem with physical contact from others... i don't mind touching myself but we wont go into that!
As far back as i remember, I've hated hugs from the family and would do my best to avoid them at all costs. I'm not sure why exactly, i just know i don't like them. Nowadays as an adult, its mostly hand shakes, but I'm not comfortable even with those. It seems disrespectful to pull my hand away from somebody wanting to shake hands, and its not great having to explain why i don't want to do it, so sometimes i do it and sometimes i don't.
I crave contact with others, i see everyone else doing it, it makes them all happy and makes me cringe, but i still want it. It's a conversation i dread to imagine happening having to explain to somebody that i want to touch them (not in a creepy way), or them to touch me to get me used to the feeling. It has lead me to some slightly darker thoughts of hiring a certain somebody of a certain profession that i didn't know just for that reason. Its not something i ever want to do, but desperation takes many forms.
I'm in my 30s now, im not getting any younger, I'm not exactly good looking, it feels like the chance to do something about it has passed me by. I watch massage videos on YouTube now, which thinking about it seems more as a form of torture, but it gives me those tingly feelings which is probably as close to contact as I'm going to get.
I've got to meet somebody in 3hrs and i expect there will be a handshake waiting for me!
Any thoughts?
