Ever since I was really young i’ve hated wearing any clothes that didn’t “feel right”. I don’t like wearing certain materials like jeans or clothes that feel too tight or that i can feel around my body. When i go out i try to wear nice clothes because I don’t want to be judged for looking weird showing up in loose pyjamas but i constantly feel stressed and fixate on the way the clothes feel on my body and what my body looks like in them. For example if i’m wearing a crop top i don’t like the feel of the air on my stomach because i can’t feel the air on the top part of my body. I can’t wear trainer socks because i don’t like the bare feeling on my legs but not my feet. As soon as I’m alone i change back into comfy clothes which i re wear over and over because they’re the only ones that feel okay because otherwise i won’t be able to focus on anything else and will end up getting irritable and stressed and overwhelmed.
However, I also struggle with body image issues and have a fear of gaining weight. If my clothes feel tighter (even if they still fit) i won’t be able to wear them because they feel different and i don’t like the change. it’s also a constant reminder that i’ve gained weight because they feel different on my body and i don’t like thinking about that and it’s all i can think about if i feel something on my body. It means that if i have to go out somewhere and the clothes feel tighter i will end up crying and panicking and won’t be able to go out because everything will feel different. i also can’t wear belts if clothes are loose because i don’t like the heaviness so when i lose weight and the clothes become looser i also can’t wear them out. It means I miss out on lots of events because i have nothing to wear!!
I also panic that people will judge me for what i look like in certain clothes or notice that i’ve gained weight and i end up cancelling plans because i think i’m too fat to go out and everyone will see even if i have only gained a pound.
I really don’t know what to do because I haven’t been diagnosed with autism even though i show a lot of traits, i haven’t been diagnosed with an ed or ocd or body dysmorphia. I do have social anxiety but i feel like this may be something else. Does anyone have any ideas? Could this be part of autism if i did have autism? Or could this be something else? Any solutions?
