hi
the past week has been extremely stressful for me. my new partner came to visit me (they live in a different city) and the week didn’t go how i planned at all. i ended up having sensory overload all week and bottling up feelings until i exploded into a meltdown and upset my partner by triggering their ptsd. i also have ptsd so luckily i was able to understand why i upset them, but it also deeply upset me that they had no understanding of how upset i was from such a stressful week being autistic among several other disabilities as well as mental health issues and also experiencing a lot of ptsd flashbacks myself.
i live with my parents and my partner and i went to visit some friends on saturday night. we stayed up all night and on sunday by around 12pm i was exhausted and told my partner i was going home for a nap and they said they would come back in a few hours. unfortunately i slept for a lot longer than i initially planned as i was so exhausted from sensory overload and socialising all week. my partner has one of my parents numbers, so they could’ve called to say they were on their way back and they needed to be let in the house. however instead they showed up with a friend of ours at nearly midnight. this deeply upset and surprised both me and my parents and this was when my meltdown was triggered because i didn’t know how to tell my partner i needed our other friend to leave and they shouldn’t have come back to a house they were a guest in so late in the first place. i am taken for a mug a lot of the time and to be honest this felt like one of those times. i don’t really know what to do. i’m upset with my new partner who i have been best friends with for nearly 5 years so it’s a difficult situation.
i am also really struggling to be able to cope with being autistic and struggling with ptsd and i get suicidal a lot. i feel like nobody understands me or even tries to. what made this week worse was the fact that my parents basically blamed me for being autistic and also invalidated both me and my partner’s ptsd. when i needed one of them to help me get the words out when i was trying to explain how i felt to my partner before my meltdown, they basically told me to stop being autistic. i am 24 and they treat me like a 12 year old, especially my mother, and when i asked her why she always treats me like that she said because i constantly need help getting words out. sorry for being autistic i guess. i now feel unsafe in my own home as my parents were ableist towards me and i don’t have any other options for a home. my partner also ended up leaving in the middle of the night after everything blew up and going back to our friends house that we were at before. i cried myself to sleep because i feel like everything is my fault and i do always get blamed for everything by my parents. i’m also failing my second year of university and i don’t have anyone to talk to about it which doesn’t help anything.
i’m not really sure what to do anymore, i feel like the world would be a lot better off without me.
