Depression?

I’ve got some questions, maybe someone’s got the answers.

I’ve tried to improve my mood. First by taking st.john’s wort and when it didn’t work I tried 5-htp. It didn’t work. Maybe the dose was too low, maybe I should double/triple it. 

I have generally low mood (but some days better, some days worse) and I have an anxiety. Anxiety is ruining my life.

It’s not a new issue and I’ve tried CBT and counselling which didn’t help. 

NHS CBT was completely useless.

Recently I’ve talked to someone about suicide and they said that it would be worth if I talk to GP and take some medication. 

But I’m not sure. 

I’m not at imminent risk. I know I might kill myself in the future but I’m not going to do it yet. It’s just an option if the life is too much. 

I’ve chosen the method and the thought is comforting. 

The thought that I’ve got the way out and that I’m prepared.

But I’m not going to kill myself yet. 

I have small children and I’m not going to cause trauma to my children. They are not ready to deal with that.

I’ve been having recurring suicidal thoughts for years.

I’ve never mentioned them in therapy because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it and I was afraid how they might react.

And now to my questions.

Should I go to GP? 

Will they tell anyone? 

Are they going to make a big deal out of it? 

Or maybe ignore me? 

Maybe it’s not worth mentioning at all? 

Will I be sent to CBT again? 

Offered medication? 

Can I choose medication or therapy? 

What about side effects of medication?

I’m worried about side effects.

Parents
  • Ok, so I watched this video by Sarah Hendrickx......I had no idea that the suicide rate for autistic women was high. On top of your brain chemsitry/whatever is going on......remember, we're fighting to be identified as autistic, it's only been the last 4 years they've been studying women & many have incorrect diagnosis (ie BPD, Bipolar, ADHD).

    www.youtube.com/watch

    I've definitely been hit with some low times & periods of thinking, "this is not living" and being numb. Maybe there's people, jobs, situations in addition to brain chemistry that need to be looked at too--are making you feel worse?

    Just know---YOU are not alone . I plan on still asking for the .25mg of .5mg of klonipin from an actual professional at the Amen Clinics vs. a nurse practitioner. For goodness sakes, short-term use of those medications are for people suffering....just bc some people abuse them, shouldn't screw over the rest of us. Find someone who listens to you/what drugs you've researched AND does not have any medication shame/bias. I've met too many with a god-complex....you need a good, understanding, kind GP (if you don't have one already). ALSO, get your thyroid checked. Not just tsh/not just total t3/t4...but total as well. 

Reply
  • Ok, so I watched this video by Sarah Hendrickx......I had no idea that the suicide rate for autistic women was high. On top of your brain chemsitry/whatever is going on......remember, we're fighting to be identified as autistic, it's only been the last 4 years they've been studying women & many have incorrect diagnosis (ie BPD, Bipolar, ADHD).

    www.youtube.com/watch

    I've definitely been hit with some low times & periods of thinking, "this is not living" and being numb. Maybe there's people, jobs, situations in addition to brain chemistry that need to be looked at too--are making you feel worse?

    Just know---YOU are not alone . I plan on still asking for the .25mg of .5mg of klonipin from an actual professional at the Amen Clinics vs. a nurse practitioner. For goodness sakes, short-term use of those medications are for people suffering....just bc some people abuse them, shouldn't screw over the rest of us. Find someone who listens to you/what drugs you've researched AND does not have any medication shame/bias. I've met too many with a god-complex....you need a good, understanding, kind GP (if you don't have one already). ALSO, get your thyroid checked. Not just tsh/not just total t3/t4...but total as well. 

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