Published on 12, July, 2020
I really want to hear from a grown up with ASD and ask how do you get on? I am a 33 year old female and just found out I have ASD this year,however It seems there is not much I can find to help with it. Just cus I finally have a word to explain why I have meltdowns and feel like I just want to be alone does not minimize them or help me to deal.Even though some people in my life try to understand, many of my family members remain confused and frustrated by my behavior and think of me very badly. they think i'm lazy and should "just get a job". It seems like I still catch a lot of criticism and services for adults where I live are next to nothing. Lately I feel like life is not worth living. I spent near my whole life trying to figure out what is "off" in me. I saw countless psychiatrists over 20 years. I am outraged that no one caught this when I was a child because I look over the criteria and I had EVERY core symptom so clearly it should jumped out and smacked them in the face. I feel betrayed by the medical community and on top of this, I finally have some answers and it seems like there is nothing really I can do. I had a severe melt down last tuesday. I do everything i can to avoid one happening because I always feel so humiliated afterwards but I woke up and my mom had driven to another state without telling me ( I live with her) and decided to just up and go before I woke up with zero notice for 7 days. I completely melted down and nearly broke the kitchen table with my head and screamed for a few hours. I then spent 4 days in complete isolation crying whenever I woke up and sleeping between crying spells for 18 hours at a time. I realized that this might not ever end. That no matter how I try to avoid another "episode" that life is always gonna find a way to shock me. I'll have to live in a closet until I die...and that feels like not living at all. I don't know what to do. I thought finding out what is wrong with my brain would be the beginning of solutions but now it feels hopeless
Hello KK11,
I am a 46 year old male - with a female minset, and when I was diagnosed ASD (Higher Functioning / Aspergers Syndrome) two years ago, and the term 'life-changing' really was an understatement. Emotional decompressions, my meltdowns are siezures, and it all went rather disorderly for about three months or so.
It took about a year to fully level back out, and I went and got a couple of Aspegers books, a personal account, and specialist account, and really got used to being Aspergian.
The specialist account, The Complete Guide to ASPERGER'S SYNDROME, by TONY ATTWOOD, PhD, was really really really useful, as it goes through the preadolescent and adolescent stages of child-hood developmental and education, dealing with all basic problems and goes into adult stuff too but not as extensively as the early development stuff. It really allowed me to reframe everything accordingly, where I was wrong, where I was right and otherwise, and all the headtesting questions I could not get answers for in twenty years of therapy - all there in one complete book.
The personal account, that was just amazing as we had some very similar experiences, which was odd - but oddly normal and very life affirming. Maybe reading is not so important to you, but options to turn down are better than none sometimes
With the meltdown thing - learn to breath deeply, gently and pelvically downwards. Imagine in a sense that your bladder and womb are your lungs, and imagine that your heart is your nose and mouth - breath the love sort of thing. So take deep even in and out breaths as such with well focused attention. Some people breath in for three, hold for three and out for three. I basically breath in and then out to a practiced rhythm as I have dsycalculia, so numbers and counting are not really my thing - especially during near seizures. Things do improve with practice.
Another method for meltdowns is to walk, run, cycle or in some way exercise off the built up tension. A good long relaxing soak in a hot bath, is also advisable, or a shower. Reist and reduce the power of meltdowns by redirecting that power into more viable activities or pursuits.
Work out (in the solving sense) what causes the tension, and take it easier. Getting a workable time-table, schedule or routine on the go and time-out befor you blow-out - or in my case more usually flaking, quivering and sweating out.
With other peoples take on your diagnosis - it wont mean much to them really. So you can wise them up yourself, get them to wise themselves up with a book or something, or just find your way along with them and deal with things as you go along. Associating with other ASD's will help to normalise and establish your actual individuality of character - not in any way as fualty or unworthy or any of that confidense mashing negativity nonsense.
Welcome to being you ASD syle - yay from the genetics up at very least - where evaluation and validation is our language. Another thing is that you might find it really wierd as you are actually quite normal here. Some people get really used to being the odd one out, even being the absolute individual of a group, but not even being the odd one 'in' - that can take some getting used to for some. Of course some just really enjoy being amongst the ASD like-minded familyhood - and we really care for each other here.
Obviously we cannot all like and get on on with everybody, but it certainly does not mean we do not respect individuality here. Individuality here is sacred unlike much of neurotypical society, bless 'em all with their collective conformity and all that.
Anyway, take it easy for a least a while, get settled, and I hope you find this information useful, or if not I hope you find others commentaries more viable.