Just running around in circles

headspace said:

I think i registered here before... but i honestly cant remember. If i did, it would have been a few years back... so I'm sorry about making a new account.

Well as long as you can can put your words on screen - that is the more important thing really.

I don't know why i'm here really. I don't kow if i have aspergers or not. All i know is that no matter how hard I apply myself to anything, I just end up back in the same place, with nothing, acheived nothing, gained nothing. It's starting to get old.

If you Google: "Autistic Quotent Test - Psychology Tools" you can give yourself a self-assesment for autistic traits, and the more you score above 32 out of 50 - the more likely it is that you may have Asperger's Syndrome. It is not though a definitive test for AS or ASD in itself - but being a little bit more clued up about it all was really usefull for me, and for getting diagnosed - eventually.

I know what you mean about ending up in the same place (ever decreasing circles was my description of things in this respect. But, as for not achieving stuff, not really. It was more a case of learning how to recognise the pattern of my actions, and make the required course corrections - homing ability good, if not excellent, achievable outcomes - needs some re-evalution and an excellence transplant somehow - sort of thing. 

For the first time in my life i found a job that i loved, that i could be passionate about. A job where i didn't think twice about getting out of bed for. ~

Lush up to a point is it not, all that practical satisfaction, and then something quite opposite happens, again and again, repeatedly.

~ Yet last week i got 'laid off' for not being able to meet the required targets. ~

The required target thing - so so not my thing. Most of the time I would be taken advantage of in terms of not getting the appropriate pay scaling; but getting increasing workloads none the less. And the rest of the time getting things so organised and efficient that anybody could get things sorted - without me if necessary . . . 

I never spotted the blatent flaw with doing things that way until it was too late. In fact people had to tell me more often than not.

~ I can't even begin to strain just how much I put in to being the best I could be. ~

I so know what you mean there.

So when they told me I wasn't keeping up and that they were laying me off, I was devastated. I still am.

I got so demoralised with this state of affairs at school myself - that I just stopped wasting my time even caring about it, got used to it and just later went on from job to job, and from job to job and so on and so fourth.

but its the whole 'not being able to meet required targets' and 'not being able to keep up' is just something that happens over and over and over... I can't keep a job! I'm so tired of being stuck on this roundabout.

Well, if you do have AS as it seems, getting diagnosed as such can give you added job security, due to the 2010 Equality Act. So once you find a job that you really like doing - you should then, aside from company downsizing, be able to sustain a job that fits your range of capabilities, and even get support to do so too. 

I know i don't fit in well with people, and having a relaxed and 'normal' conversation is just the hardest thing to do because it just doesn't feel natural to me. I can type, i can say all the wonderful stuff that comes into my head if i type/write it. But to speak it? It's like when i'm required to speak aloud all those words disappear and i'm left with images relation to what I want to say, but it's one hell of a job having to translate those images back to actual words that makes sense. I don't know if that is an aspergers thing? 

Yes - what you have above described - this is in my experience an AS thing; hook, line and sinker.

So now i'm jobless (again) and lost all hope and confidence. How can i be employable if i'm just not skilled enough? Well... i think i am skilled... but i definitely don't have the speed that other people have. These days, speed is the winner with employers, not loyalty, hard work or skill. Speed and effectiveness is what brings in the money

Keep in mind that loyality, hard-work and skill are for some employers exactly what they're looking for from their staff to be - in the sense that the finished job must be done to a high standard, and not rushed and thereby dimished in quality. Obviously there will be an estimated completion time or date in most cases, but if the employer or client is kept informed, and the work is appreciated when it is finished - perfect.

I may have waffled a bit too much, sorry. ~

As far as I have read, the line of your reasoning has stayed true to course - i.e., no deviation or any confusing meanderings off-topic either, or in other words no waffling. As a basic principle - if you want or need to write either at length or in short about stuff; it is pretty much the done thing to do so here really. It is your choice - just as it is for any reader themself to stop or go on reading. 

~ I think for a while I'd just like to be amongst people who will probably understand me. Relitively speaking as I have a hard time understanding myself. ~

I have certainly not had any problems whatsover in terms of identifying with your description of things, let me know if I am mistaken of course, and hopefully understanding yourself with others here will get easier - providing you can get used to feeling strangely in some way normal-ish, possibly.

Can i not just live with the most minimal interaction with other people as possible? Is that not ok?

Having the most minimal interaction with other people; in my experience - is rather more than OK, in that it is downright essential for me personally. This is not all that unusual for people with AS or ASD either. Have a bit of read around - you will see what I mean.

headspace said:

I think i registered here before... but i honestly cant remember. If i did, it would have been a few years back... so I'm sorry about making a new account.

Well as long as you can can put your words on screen - that is the more important thing really.

I don't know why i'm here really. I don't kow if i have aspergers or not. All i know is that no matter how hard I apply myself to anything, I just end up back in the same place, with nothing, acheived nothing, gained nothing. It's starting to get old.

If you Google: "Autistic Quotent Test - Psychology Tools" you can give yourself a self-assesment for autistic traits, and the more you score above 32 out of 50 - the more likely it is that you may have Asperger's Syndrome. It is not though a definitive test for AS or ASD in itself - but being a little bit more clued up about it all was really usefull for me, and for getting diagnosed - eventually.

I know what you mean about ending up in the same place (ever decreasing circles was my description of things in this respect. But, as for not achieving stuff, not really. It was more a case of learning how to recognise the pattern of my actions, and make the required course corrections - homing ability good, if not excellent, achievable outcomes - needs some re-evalution and an excellence transplant somehow - sort of thing. 

For the first time in my life i found a job that i loved, that i could be passionate about. A job where i didn't think twice about getting out of bed for. ~

Lush up to a point is it not, all that practical satisfaction, and then something quite opposite happens, again and again, repeatedly.

~ Yet last week i got 'laid off' for not being able to meet the required targets. ~

The required target thing - so so not my thing. Most of the time I would be taken advantage of in terms of not getting the appropriate pay scaling; but getting increasing workloads none the less. And the rest of the time getting things so organised and efficient that anybody could get things sorted - without me if necessary . . . 

I never spotted the blatent flaw with doing things that way until it was too late. In fact people had to tell me more often than not.

~ I can't even begin to strain just how much I put in to being the best I could be. ~

I so know what you mean there.

So when they told me I wasn't keeping up and that they were laying me off, I was devastated. I still am.

I got so demoralised with this state of affairs at school myself - that I just stopped wasting my time even caring about it, got used to it and just later went on from job to job, and from job to job and so on and so fourth.

but its the whole 'not being able to meet required targets' and 'not being able to keep up' is just something that happens over and over and over... I can't keep a job! I'm so tired of being stuck on this roundabout.

Well, if you do have AS as it seems, getting diagnosed as such can give you added job security, due to the 2010 Equality Act. So once you find a job that you really like doing - you should then, aside from company downsizing, be able to sustain a job that fits your range of capabilities, and even get support to do so too. 

I know i don't fit in well with people, and having a relaxed and 'normal' conversation is just the hardest thing to do because it just doesn't feel natural to me. I can type, i can say all the wonderful stuff that comes into my head if i type/write it. But to speak it? It's like when i'm required to speak aloud all those words disappear and i'm left with images relation to what I want to say, but it's one hell of a job having to translate those images back to actual words that makes sense. I don't know if that is an aspergers thing? 

Yes - what you have above described - this is in my experience an AS thing; hook, line and sinker.

So now i'm jobless (again) and lost all hope and confidence. How can i be employable if i'm just not skilled enough? Well... i think i am skilled... but i definitely don't have the speed that other people have. These days, speed is the winner with employers, not loyalty, hard work or skill. Speed and effectiveness is what brings in the money

Keep in mind that loyality, hard-work and skill are for some employers exactly what they're looking for from their staff to be - in the sense that the finished job must be done to a high standard, and not rushed and thereby dimished in quality. Obviously there will be an estimated completion time or date in most cases, but if the employer or client is kept informed, and the work is appreciated when it is finished - perfect.

I may have waffled a bit too much, sorry. ~

As far as I have read, the line of your reasoning has stayed true to course - i.e., no deviation or any confusing meanderings off-topic either, or in other words no waffling. As a basic principle - if you want or need to write either at length or in short about stuff; it is pretty much the done thing to do so here really. It is your choice - just as it is for any reader themself to stop or go on reading. 

~ I think for a while I'd just like to be amongst people who will probably understand me. Relitively speaking as I have a hard time understanding myself. ~

I have certainly not had any problems whatsover in terms of identifying with your description of things, let me know if I am mistaken of course, and hopefully understanding yourself with others here will get easier - providing you can get used to feeling strangely in some way normal-ish, possibly.

Can i not just live with the most minimal interaction with other people as possible? Is that not ok?

Having the most minimal interaction with other people; in my experience - is rather more than OK, in that it is downright essential for me personally. This is not all that unusual for people with AS or ASD either. Have a bit of read around - you will see what I mean.