Published on 12, July, 2020
Since graduating from college I've been strugglign to adapt to society, I've been unable to hold down a job and have been dealing with depression, mood swings and a whole host of mood swings. My wife pointed out to me a while back that I showed a lot of signs of autism, and rethinking about my childhood (I was always paranoid that people weren't telling me that there was something wrong with me. I wasn't like the other kids, I did well in school, but I didn't act like them, I didn't talk like them, and I didn't think like them), I couldn't read until I was in 4th grade, and the only solice outside of learning I ever took was video games. It was the world I understood best. My psychiatrist agrees that I might have autism but is telling me that a diagnosis would do nothing for me, and that kaiser, at least the one I go to, will only diagnos children and that they don't see a point to diagnosing adults because we should already have coping mechanisms. School was the only thing I ever understood. It made sense. I have a schedule, I attend, I learn at my own pace, I can leave and return, I gain knowledge, I grow in power, I move onto the next adventure. It was even easier to be social, I felt safe. It was an environment I knew. Anyways, I forgot what my point was. I guess I just wanted to be heard, realize I'm not crazy, that I do have this problem and that I can finally start finding resources to help me succeed.
Hi Des
This attitude although shocking seems to be quite prevalent.
It seems to be a total misunderstanding by professionals as to how being autistic affects people. Yes, we do get 'coping' strategies, but these only work in situations where we have developed them. When thrust into a different situation, we do not have these strategies, we have not learned the 'script'.
I think of this like an actor learning lines. An actor in Holby City can make a pretty convincing job of sounding like a doctor. But their knowledge of medicine is limited, and I certainly would not want them to operate on me.
Unfortunately in the world, there are situations all the time we cannot deal with. Often the 'coping' strategy is to avoid them altogether. All well and good, but sometimes we cannot avoid them. Hence meltdown, panic, anxiety, depression and all the other things that go with it. And with a diagnosis the door is supposedly open to help. Certainly in my employment no one ever considered the fact I was autistic until I had a diagnosis. They just thought I was being awkward, troublesome and making things up.
I need to work at things in my own way at my own pace, continuing until I feel the time for a natural break. Unfortunately, before diagnosis I was continually flung from one job to another, constantly interrupted and my performance suffered. The damage done, there is a long, long period of recovery. I am still a shadow of my former self, problems caused by my autism not being thought of as 'serious'.
Believe me, even high-functioning autism can create serious problems. I look, and (usually) act 'normal'. But hidden below the surface is a lot of internal conflict, confusion and something trying to make sense of the world. And these needs were often overlooked on the premise that there is no need to do anything because I look 'normal'. My diagnosis helped me tremendously. It helped explain lots of things, from my fussy eating to my making seemingly 'stupid' comments.
I had to get a 'private' diagnosis since my gp said the same as your psychiatrist and he also said that my NHS trust did not pay for adults (I am 62 and was diagnosed just before Christmas) to be assessed and also that even if they did it would mean a wait of at least two years. Although it was money I could ill afford, it was some of the best money I have ever spent. It is worth mentioning that the final stage (most expensive) would not have been payable if the psychologist had assessed beforehand that there was something else the reason.