Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I know this is probably the best place to ask, and I'm at my wits end and would like to know if any of you think he may have any form of autism?
My son is 3. Since he was a tiny baby he's always just been "different". From about 7 weeks old he would scream to go to bed at roughly the same time every night (normally 5:45-6pm). He has never liked strangers, even for example the checkout ladies in supermarkets, if they speak to him he will blatantly ignore them and look at them as if they have tried to poison him. He's done that since he was a few months old. He refuses to wear coats that aren't blue, is a nightmare during school holidays as it throws his routine out (he likes routine) and then when the schools go back we have to try and settle his behaviour down again. No form of discipline seems to work - the naughty corner isn't very effective, quiet time isn't either, and talking to him about what he has done wrong and making him apologise doesn't have much of an impact either. He bullies my daughter (she's 9) and frequently reduces her to tears, and he's actually happy when she's in tears (?!). He also makes things up, such as a boy at preschool punched him, his teacher shouted at him, he's even gone into school and said that his dad hurts him (which isn't true. But the school still referred to social services), and yesterday told his teachers that "Dad slaps me and my sister lots", which again is not true. I know these things aren't true because if my son is not at school he's with me. This morning we had another call from social services because of what he had said, and they have closed the case again. My son also has to know what is going to happen, for example if we say "right we're going to the shops", but go to the bank first, he will have a meltdown. What we have to do is say "we're going to the shops but we need to go to the bank first". He's also very "mummy obsessed", he needs me to do everything for him, if someone else tries to help he goes mad and runs to me. He constantly wants my attention, and every day is "Mum, Mum, Mum" literally all day. He's also very anxious. He has a thing about germs, cries and won't settle if there are any of his toys in his bed, and even whinges that he's got a shadow and it won't go away. The poor thing is terrified of most things, he plays on almost nothing at the park but will walk around most of the time carefully deciding what to play on. He hates the hoover/hair dryer/ect and screams and cries if they're on near him.
However, at school, his teachers say he's well behaved, well mannered (which he is at home too), and they don't think there's anything to be concerned about. But I can't ignore what my gut has been telling me for years.
Can anyone relate to this? Anyone's child similar? Sorry for the very "to the point" list by the way, I was trying to cram it all into my post before I forgot any of it!
I can relate to what you are saying. My son is 6 as at the start of this school year his new teacher raised concerns about his behaviour in school. We have since seen the consultant and are awating further appontments.
He always needs a warning before he changes activity, he attacks his siblings (and others at school) and struggles to understand others feelings. He does sometimes laugh when others cry or is indifferent to it. I spoke to his old nursery teacher who told me she had seen the signs but it was not significant to warrent intervention at that time. I was hoping she would tell me they were all wrong and it was just a blip. Don't get me wrong these are a few negatives, he can be a very loving and caring child. I had to sellotape a peice of wood yesterday (other half was choping logs into kindling for the fire), as he didnt want it to get hurt. He calmed down eventually and agreed to come back inside. It is a daily challenge and I find that now I know why I avoided taking him to playbarns (as they would get too noisy for him) and yes the hand-dryers in toilets upset him too. I want to be able to make it all better for him but I can't and I hate the way other Mums, sometimes, look at us at the school gate, as if I am the worst parent of the worst behaved child. I want to shout out why he is this way but I also dont want them to know! It is so difficult, I want a diagnoses yet I dont, I need the peice of paper to give to my employers when I finish my career break to re-enforce my case to work term-time, so I can be there for all my children. On the other hand I do not want him to be labeled.
Anyhow we are now at the end of half term and it has taken both my husband an I to manage him as the change in routine was too much for him some days. I think we are all ready for the routine of school, and a little bit of breathing space.