How I Learned I was on the Autism Spectrum

Sashi over 9 years ago

I was diagnosed weeks ago with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) or high-functioning autism. It is NOT bad news. It is on the contrary a relief to know there’s a name for it. So much of the fog of “why I think, feel, and act” has been lifted. Up until my diagnosis, I often thought of myself as an alien from another planet to this world. My diagnosis has set me free from that line of thought.

My suspicions were first raised some time after I started subbing as a teacher’s assistant here in my hometown school district two years ago. I had returned to my hometown after working in the government for over 20 years. It was a new chapter in my life and it rocked my world to go from a government job to working with children. Most of the assignments are with special education classes since that’s where the demand is.

Many times I would observe a student’s behavior and I’d be moved to tears. I saw some of me in him or her. I was drawn to working in autism units, but I didn’t know why until now.

In early December, 2016, one 12 year old girl especially caught my attention. She is autistic with practically no verbal skills. She frequently talks to herself with words that no one can understand. She’ll sometimes get excited and let out a holler and/or skip across the room. It was like watching myself at her age. I just didn’t do it in the middle of a school classroom. I preferred either my room or some other private placed. I did the floor pacing, talking to myself, visiting my make-believe world. (I still do talk to myself; I don’t skip since my hips aren’t as young as they used to be. HA!) That’s just one example of watching a student do something I did OR still do.

I started doing research on the Internet about the autism spectrum and took on-line tests. Then, consulted with my doctor and teachers of autistic students. Their support and valuable information was of tremendous help.

There are rewards and hardships. My main hobby or interest is writing which has been like a best friend to me ever since I started. Through writing, I have been able to entertain or comfort others while getting therapy for myself. Routine is almost as essential for me as air and water. However, routine can be a good thing. I believe I was able to lose and maintain my weight for close to 40 years now because once I got on a diet routine, either to loose or maintain my weight, I stuck to it like any other of my routines.

I admit I’m a loner. I prefer to do things alone. It is when I’m alone or when I’m talking to someone I feel comfortable with one-on-one that I am recharged. It is when I’m with a group of people, small or large, that I am totally drained. My inner reaction to a party invitation is similar to an invitation to a torture chamber. (Just kidding, but not by much.)

So there’s challenges but there’s rewards too.

The Lord truly blessed me with a diagnosis at the right time in my life; and a job that was a life-changing experience. If it wasn’t for working with autistic students, I’d still be in the dark. Now that I know, my job is more than a job. I am making MUCH less money than I did working for the government, but I’m happier. When I help a child with autism with their struggles, I can say to myself, “I know. I’m on the spectrum too.”

Greenblade over 9 years ago

I've only just realised how closely my employment history fits an autism pattern (I haven't been officially diagnosed yet but I have just had a complete mental breakdown because I am now out of work and cannot see how I could get another job)
I have only ever had one job interview. It was an entry level civil service admin job that I probably got because I had the required number of 'O' Levels (with good grades). For the next 28 years I was transferred from department to department for various reasons without being interviewed (my last line manager teased me about this). All of the jobs were really boring repetitive tasks and most of my peers were a lot less intelligent than me. Then there was the insane contradiction of me doing the kind of simple tasks that are all now automated and reading university level books at home whenever I became obsessed by a particular topic (which rarely had anything to do with my work). When computers were introduced in the 1990s I became the go-to guy for anything tech related. I was really happy working with computers and everyone thought (even people from the corporate tech dept) I had studied programming, web design etc - but I didn't have a single tech qualification! After being temporarily promoted in a system admin role for 5-6 years they were going to revert me to my original entry level grade. I protested and my guess is there was some rule that made them authorise my promotion. I didn't have to face a promotion panel and if they had pushed back I almost certainly would have caved in easily. Eventually all tech tasks were transferred to a outsourced company. I got away with not having any staff to manage for several years but then I had one guy (and that was incredibly stressful). In the final year I was assigned four members of staff. The company was in the process of offering voluntary exit packages and I left because I couldn't face doing performance reviews. If I had hung on for two more years I would have qualified for a much more generous early retirement package. But of course I couldn't do that.
Ibn al-Nafis over 9 years ago

I always thought that theres something just not quite right, why I was made to stand in the class in primary school. Why my parents were always called in . why I didnt understand how things worked around me why I couldn't follow the system .over years learned and made ways in my mind how to deal with things . I used to know I'm different to other people but I didn't know why it used to make me sad.
one day I started reading about autism , I herd the the word here and there but my mind never registered it. So just out of the blue I started reading about it.
Then it started to make sense , why I rocked in one place on the
sofa for hours on my own. Why I couldn't keep hold of and make friends , why I suffered my entire child hood and adult life from anxiety which when came in me would incapacitate me , why can't write with a pen no matter how much I try .why I failed my gcse why I couldn't understand the maths lesson and used to escape in my pencil case and get punched in the back sometimes from my maths teacher Why I'm a perfectionist and if things are not perfect I can't cope and get severe anxiety which debilitated me for days . But I feel,things are getting worse now I find it difficult to cope and work. Why after work I could not switch of and my mind would continue imagining sinarios
but now the hard part is seeing a doctor and finding out what has been wrong with me