Just been diagnosed at 38

I got diagnosed just last week at the age of 38 after spending 3 hours talking to psychiatrists and with my father being present.

And im still waiting to see a consultant to confirm that I have adhd. There's such huge delays and the whole experience in being asessed and in just dealing with the NHS over the years has been horrendous. Its been a complete nightmare.

I think the depression and anxieties that autism has caused over the last 30 years is something I just cant shake,but the adhd as well, is now just making everything pretty unbearable right now. 

Ive never been able to socialise in the same way as others, seem to lack the ability to engage fully and even now, when you are in amongst a group of people just sharing banter, I just cant take in what people say. 

Seem to be better on one on ones, but even still, if its not with someone I could bounce off, then conversation would be pretty limited. 

I cant hold down jobs, or a relationship, just split up with my latest girlfriend the other day also which hasnt helped. She was the only one that I told about my illnesses. But she just couldnt handle me, the way I can talk when I get emotional or excited about a certain topic..its all just a bit odd.

I can fixate on things, on topics, and I can articulate well on factual topics that I hold some interest in.  But not with anything else.  

Ive just been sat here in tears a lot recently,resentment that this hasnt all been picked up when I was younger. My lifes been taken over by all this.  Feel a bit cheated out of life and I think this is whats getting to me the most. Would have taken a completely different path in life if I had the support when I needed it the most. 

I dont know what happens now, been so depressed wit everything, taken overdoses, not caring if I live or die. But I dont want to die really, I just want to be able to live ;(