Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I'm new to this site. My son was diagnosed with Aspergers and adhd at 3, his obsession used to be crocodiles then at 5 he started to play football. Football is now his obsession, he has a ball at his feet all the time and is in a development squad so is showing great potential. Over the last year we have got better at losing, last year of a goal went in we would be off the pitch now we can handle that to an extent. The problem I now have ia with fairness. If the referee makes a decision or doesn't see something my son seems to be unfair he gets frustrated and was sent off for being rude. Has anyone else had this problem, this is probably the one thing that will stop him getting to where he wants to be. Football is the only language he understands
Thank you so much for your reply, I hadn't thought of that but I think that could work
Welcome to the forum.
I must confess, I always loathed footie myself - but I can sympathise with how your son feels about the referees. It is very common for autistic people to be very strict about rules and how they should be applied fairly, and it is common source of frustration for us.
I think it would be a good idea to work on this with his coaches if at all possible. I think he needs to be helped to see that being a referee is a very difficult job that cannot be done perfectly, and that decisions that go against him are not a personal attack.
One way to do this might be to spend some time on the sidelines with the coach watching and analysing what the referee is doing - for example, pointing out where the ref' could not see someone breaking a rule because his attention was focused somewhere else, or that a player was given the "benefit of the doubt" because the ref' could not judge whether a dangerous play was intentional or accidental.
If your son can get a sense of what it must be like to be the referee, this may go some way to helping him understand why their decisions don't always seem logical to him. This could even be a great opportunity for him to use his passion for football to learn some "life skills" that will help him a great deal with life off the pitch, too!