Published on 12, July, 2020
hi there,
I'm new here. I recently came to suspect that I have Aspergers from years and years of trying to understand the cause of my poor mental health. I've identified myself as having numerous things, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc. Its only within the last month, with my American wife's help, that I saw autism as the overhanging cause that explained all these conditions. The depression doesn't explain my poor lack of social skills, my dislike of small talk, my withdrawal from people in general, and my inability to understand people's humour with my incredibly defensive, emotional mechanisms always at red alert. In my worldview, its me against everyone else. So I always knew something was wrong but I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was.
Since exploring Aspergers as a possible cause, I've had a number of responses. First, a sense of helplessness because Aspergers is incurable, and I doubt my abilties to overcome it. Secondly, a regret over the wasted years of my life, because had I made this discovery in my 20s rather than now when I'm 43, my life might have been more productive. Thirdly, resistance. Because of my dislike of the 'neotypical' world dominated by extroverts who dictate our societal norms, I see Aspergers as a label and stigma dreamed up by the majority to discriminate against certain 'anti-social' behaviours that fail to fit in with the norm. The lack of medical evidence for Aspergers tends to influence this type of thinking. Along with my distrust of psychiatrists and counsellers who have failed to help me, and missed all the signs. I tend to see psychiatry as a guessing game, ie psychiatry is to the mind what metereology is to the weather.
Currently I'm reading up on the Aspergers literature that's out there to get some help. I live in Seaford, East Sussex, and would like to seek out a support group in my local area to help me with this process of 'self-discovery'.
hey there.
do not worry you are not alone. i am 45 and was diagnosed with aspergers on 24 november 2015.
i also spent my entire life feeling like an outsider, that i just didnt fit in or belong anywhere, i tried but it just made me depressed. i was an alcoholic and i even attempted suicide, and when i did try and get help, no one seemed to understand, and i could not explain myself to these people, i have bad social skills, low self esteem and as a result, taling about my problems, to a stranger was real anathema to me.
18 months ago i had had enough and started seeing people, starting with a new GP. best thing i ever did, i finally got introduced to some good people who set me on my path of self discovery. i always wanted answers, deep down i knew i was different. and now i have an answer.
do i wish i had found out years ago? yes i do.
do i see it as a stigma? not at all. i almost feel proud of my aspergers, it answers my questions, i wear the tshirt with pride. i am in great company, so are you. read the Steve Silberman book Neurotribes, and you will realise that the world in which we live has been heavily influenced by people with autism. we are the quiet ones in the corner.
it is early days for me, i am unable to work at the moment, the stress is too much, but i am getting help and i have the support of my wife, who was also pleased as it answered questions for her about my odd behaviour. we are moving forward together. it sounds like you have great support from your wife also, things will hopefully get on track for you, it is never too late.