Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I feel almost a sham posting in here but I need some help!
I have an 8 year old daughter who I believe may have Aspergers. If she does then it is mild and she appears 'normal' most of the time. However, certain things she does/says, and the way she behaves, makes me suspect.
She is clever and loves maths especially. But she has trouble mainly socially. She has often come home from school and said that other kids don't want to play with her. I've discovered this stems from the fact she wants to join in a game but then tries to apply her own rules to it and almost 'take over'. She finds following other peoples' rules difficult. She likes to be in control - this is most evident when she's playing with her younger brother. She is very literal and gets upset over certain jokes that she doesn't understand. She also can't regulate her voice so a lot of what she says comes across as angry or rude.
She has strange ways of 'organising' her things in her bedroom. I will regularly tidy up after her and put things away in what I feel is a sensible place, easy to find etc. She will then, over the course of the next few days, move everything and it is all a total mess. But this is how she organises? She takes things out of their original box and puts other things in that box, it makes no logical sense to me.
As well, she struggles with things like listening. She has to be told countless times to get something done, she day dreams. She still cannot brush her hair properly or dry herself after a bath without someone telling her to hurry up. She is distracted VERY easily. Cleaning teeth is another thing. Apart from her strange organising, other things have to be 'just so', like super perfectly aligned.
I could go on.
someone please help.
I'm glad to be the AS me, I wouldn't swap places with any NT because I wouldn't want to be like that. Trust me, we observe NT behaviour and wonder at the unsanity of it. If this statement is confusing to you, it's because you're not 'normal'!
If you have the suspicion, you should seek an assessment for her. There is plenty of advice available on the main pages to tell you how to go about this. Certainly the things you mention may be autistic traits, but they are also the traits of an undisciplined child, or 'spoilt brat disorder'. You are not expert enough to know the difference, and in that you join many health professionals. ASD needs a knowledgable, qualified assessor, and they are hard to get at in certain areas, according to the many posts on the subject.
For the sake of clarity, we tend to use NT for neurotypical people, 'normal' as you would put it. ASD is normal for AS people, so we are normal too - we just inhabit a different normality than NTs. Because we are different, not abnormal, there's nothing to be afraid of.
You should avoid suggesting that AS is abnormal - you'll offend a lot of people with that. You should also avoid suggesting that autism can be mild, that's a false concept. Lastly, you should avoid judging her just because she doesn't fit your picture of how she should be. Given her head, her world will be perfectly organised in a way that suits her. Doesn't everyone do that?
Finaly, please may I say how much I appreciate good parents like you? So many people deny that there is anything 'wrong' with their child, many of us have had this experience and it only leads to pain and misery. You've asked a bigger question than you know, so thank you, thank you, thank you for making the approach and I sincerely hope you get the answers that you both need.
I wish you both well, you have an intriguing journey ahead of you.