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newbie....parent of autistic child

Roo's dad
over 9 years ago

I have just signed up to the site so I will introduce myself (without names)

I am the dad of a 5 year old recently diagnosed as being on the spectrum.

My son has always seemed like a normal child in our (parents) eyes. He has an older brother and sister and a good relationship with both, more his sister than his brother due to his brother being a teenager but they still get along great!

When our son was at nursery, aged 3, his key worker noticed some differences in our son compared to the other children and suggested we spoke to the child development centre for an assessment, 2 years on and he has his diagnosis as being on the spectrum.

As we have always seen him as a normal child, I personally have no idea on what to watch out for, if anything, he has opened my eyes to a whole new world!! At 5 years old his knowledge of technology is beyond me, it got to the point we had to have broadband removed as he literally became the computer, he now only has his Internet access via my own mobile phone. He absolutely loves wildlife, he has plenty of pets (tropical fish tank, goldfish tank, African clawed frog, 2 cockatiel,  3 mice and 6 cats!) and wants a parrot aswell but he can talk about all his pets along with other animals, he loves the sea life centres and often says we should be the ones in the tanks and not the animals. He loves nature,only 5 year old I know who asks me to buy him a pop up green house, plant pots, soil and seeds then will spend time potting things and watching them grow. As I'm originally from a big city and moved to a small town, my lifestyle has always been hectic so I have never stopped to look at the world around me, my son has opened my eyes to a lot of the world, when I see a flower, it's a flower, a bird is a bird but to my son, a flower is the most beautiful thing in the world, he'll describe the colours, the smell, every minor detail and it really does make me stop and look at things differently even when he's at school and I'm going about my daily work.

So what I see as a normal child is actually someone very fascinating who is also teaching me a lot as he grows, I've worked with disabled people in the past (having a disabled younger brother) but this is a new learning curve, admitted it can be stressful but at the same time it's enjoyable! I will be posting in other areas of the site (parents and carers section) and also reading posts to learn more aswell as trying to get involved in conversations where possible.

  • over 9 years ago

    Hi Azalea

    Thank you for your kind words. 

    I do actually think my son is at the Aspergers end of the spectrum but we're still learning ourselves but his honesty and his way with words is great, at times embarrassing but we understand that it's how he is and try to tell him that some times he shouldn't say certain things, luckily there's been nothing bad,the worst we've had was a discussion about Riley possibly coming home wearing the wrong shorts from sports, he went up behind the girl we thought they belonged to and said "see, they're not hers, she's got a big bum", it came out of nowhere infront of all the other parents and teachers, I never felt so embarrassed but luckily everyone saw the funny side. I'm often targeted aswell whilst playing and told exactly how I look (come in covered in oil and get told to stay away, I'm dirty, I smell etc, my clothes are a mess, then I have to go through a smell check after I've showered, if I don't smell fresh, he'll tell me) but at the same time he is so loving towards everyone and everything. The only thing we struggle with is trying to get him to understand certain things, stranger danger, traffic, other people's words and actions especially as the local children don't like to talk to him as much as he tries to make friends with them.

    To be honest though, I have always tried to see things from his point of view, even when he's upset, I try to be level with him so he can talk to me rather than up to me and always listening to him even if I don't understand what he's talking about but he will try his best to teach me or explain things if I ask. The hardest part is watching him trying play with others who do their best to avoid him so his whole summer holiday so far has been sat indoors or the garden watching and listening to other children play other than his recent trip to my parents caravan and local beach so he doesn't feel like he's losing out on things.

  • over 9 years ago

    Hi guys,

    As a sufferer of Asperger's, I just wanted to wholeheartedly thank you both for sharing experiences of your children in a mindset of such obvious adoration. So many introductory posts here mainly consist of an extensive list of all the things the parent sees as 'wrong' with their child, which is understandable, but it really is refreshing and absolutely lovely to see you two talk so fondly of your own children. You are very much welcome here and your children are very lucky to have been born to you.

  • over 9 years ago
    Hi 23+Lily'smum Thank you for the compliments. Riley is definitely a very bright child who does get a lot of attention from others due to his ways but he also has negative attention from other kids unfortunately. After reading about Lily, I can see a few similarities to Riley, we suspected he had hearing problems but after tests it turned out he was just ignoring us but then it went the opposite way where now he can hear a pin drop in the neighbours houses! This is usually a stress to him but he copes as well as he can and when it gets too much he will often hide his head in my chest. His speech was slow but he started mainstream school in September 2014 and his speech jumped ahead, his teacher commented on how well his reading and writing is, he is 2 levels ahead of his class but he lacks the social communication which makes him struggle at times. I feel we was quite lucky as his nursery actually picked up on things and helped us to get a referral as the development centre were trying to make us wait until he was 8 but when they looked at the family history they decided to push us through, it took us 2 years in total to get his diagnosis (diagnosed on 15th July 2015) but the development centre also pointed out other things that we had already noticed and have also put in a referral for further testing to see if there are any underlying things as he is also a carrier of a chromosome abnormality. I really enjoy learning from him, he hasn't got the hand flapping very noticeable as he seems to hide it in a dance and the own space thing, that's brilliant! I love watching reactions from his brother and sister when he tells them that he doesn't want them to be in his space, only time it's ever concerning is when we catch him looking deep in thought, sat in a corner and refusing to come and join us or talk to us. As I say though, he is a bright clever child and attracts a lot of attention from older people as he is always smiling, making people laugh, dancing or looking after the animals and plants, even to the point he tries to clean the streets saying people need to recycle more buy then throws a tantrum as he's not as clean as he wants to be. There's so much we can learn from him or any other child on the spectrum, I haven't seen a real negative side yet other than how other children in the street act towards him, the only other thing we've noticed is that he will make eye contact with me  but he won't make eye contact with any other family member and has at times seen his mum as an enemy which can last a few hours at a time. We have been told he does the same with school teachers, he has just left the reception class where he had 4 class teachers, he bonded with 2 other them so they had to make sure atleast 1 of those teachers were in the class everyday, we're interested to see how he gets on going up a year and having more structured days in the class, we think he's going to struggle but want to give him a chance at the mainstream school but we have already talked between ourselves about possibly contacting a school that specialises with disabilities which is local and seem a lot more autism friendly but we will see how he gets on after September.  I hope you get the assessments started for Lily soon and get some answers that will either confirm things or direct you to answers but either way as long as you and Lily  are happy, is all that matters, enjoy the moments and I'm sure by the time she reaches 5, you'll have so many funny memories of the past and know there's a lot more to come as well as learning things from her point of view, I'm often found sat down outside with my son listening as he describes the world from his view and it's fascinating!
  • over 9 years ago

    hi roos dad!! 

    Let me firstly say roo sounds lovely!! And such a clever boy. I can understand why you never noticed as he obviously has a good relationships with siblings which is great and has probably helped his communication!!

    My little girl turned two in May - she had hearing issues and had grommets fitted just before her second birthday and now she can hear!! No speech as of yet unfortunately which is a shame as we are all thinking she is on the spectrum too and just awaiting for assessments to begin. 

    While she is very loving and plays with toys and cuddles, loves Disney junior and is always laughing and happy- I noticed some tendencies such as hand flapping and spinning (apparently people find this distressing but I love it, I love her showing her emotions).

    to me Lily is just s normal child too, I think she's too young to know what her particular hoby or interest will be but I'm looking forward to finding out! Out of curioisity how long did the entire process of assessments take? 

    Lily also comes and sits next to me with her arm round me being very nice but if she's in her car seat or a seat on the plane I can't put my hand in her area as she removes it Hahahah but we again found this hilarious how particular she was and showing who's boss!! 

    I I really refuse to see autism as a negative factor as myself, friends, family and nursery staff have always found Lily to be hilarious, interesting and so loving. People genuinely get drawn to her she's charismatic even though she can't talk haha. 

    Keep doing what your doing as your little boy seems so happy and I hope to be the same type of parent when Lily reaches 5!! X