Nocturnal Greeting

Hello everybody,

Seems an odd time to be introducing myself; but I have a feeling that I am probably not the only one here that finds their thoughts easier to collect when the world outside finally stops.  The night-time may be lonely sometimes - but I feel like I'm missing out on the peace and quiet if I sleep through it all.

Some time in the next few weeks, I hope to be beginning my assessment to find out for sure whether I am "on the spectrum".  However, everything that I've learned over the last six months, since it was first suggested to me, make me pretty sure that I am an "Aspie".

So how do I feel about that?  I'm really not sure yet.

It started out as yet another trip to the doctor.  Same old story - not coping at work, social life dwindled to nothing, never answering the phone or replying to mail; wearing a track in the carpet from pacing round-and-round trying to keep up with the round-and-round anxious thoughts (always anti-clockwise of course, clockwise just woudn't do at all!!  )

Since I made a pathetic attempt to run away from home when I was 16 (I lasted two days!), this was the fourth or fifth time I ended up in this state.  I'm now in my mid-forties, and I've kind of learned to "fool 90% of the people 90% of the time" when I'm forced to be out in the "real world" - just so long as I get plenty of time to lock myself away in my little sanctuary with my nerdy toys and obsessions, like I've done ever since I can remember.

This time, when I finally got to see a counsellor, it was someone who listened when I suggested that it might be a good idea to find out why this pattern kept repeating itself - and she thought she had a pretty good idea what it might be.

Since then, I've been working with the same counsellor, and doing a bit of "research" of my own (I can't help it - I was born to be a geek - Clive Sinclair and Johnny Ball were my childhood idols!).  The "Triad of Impairments" stuff?  Well, it's nice to know what the technical terms are, I suppose (words! yum, I like words.)  But, reading the real experiences of people like you lovely folks here - well, I have to do it in small doses so that my head won't pop!

I'm not sure which bits are the most intriguing - the things I always though were "weird" about me, but which are a "normal" part of ASD - or the things that I always thought were "normal", but turns out are a bit, erm, "odd" (Really? - all those other peoplle I sat next to on the bus don't have to read every single word of those rubbish local adverts? - no way, you're having me on! ).

It's not all amazing revelations and my childish humour, of course.  I've also plently of angst, frustration, unanswered (unanswerable?) questions, jobs lost, friends annoyed..etc.... - but I'll bore you with all that some other time; for now it is enough to say hello to you all, and to know that you are out there.

Best wishes

Trog. (even my Mum calls me that, by the way!)