Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I am mum to a 19 year old autistic adhd child but more body and mind like 8-10 year old and play ages of 4-5 year old she as just been diagnosed with epilepsy to.
She always wants her own way and keeps ontill she gets it if we are in a car and she wants a wee she expects to go right then if tell her to wait she will start crying ect.
She is also disruptive if she knows we are going on a day out or something she don't want to do then she will play up have a melt down so we can't do it
also her Melt downs are really bad crying screaming swearing wishing me dead very rude and saying dirty things Also she will punch her nose until it bleeds
Also obsessed with the dead
Also unless we give her what she wants to do ie her ds she will keep in till she gets it
is is this normal
First you need to try to understand what is really going on. How much is reaction and how much (if any) is bad behaviour?
See if answering the following gives you some insight:
1) What does she really like doing?
2) Are there any activities that seem to calm her down (include stimming in this)?
3) Are there any situations that trigger meltdowns consistently - you mentioned a couple, but are there any more?
4) How do her senses work? Does she like or hate certain noises? Does she get anxious in crowds or unfamiliar places? What about smells, touch, taste? How does she react to busy places? What about emotions? She might be hypersensitive to her emotions, or your emotions, or both.
5) How does she communicate and what does she communicate?
6) Does she like praise?
7) Does she get frustrated easily and if so what kinds of thing frustrate her?
I'm a adult now and still have meltdowns... it used to help me when I was young to have a plan (itinerary) so I would know exactly what to expect. Seeing pictures of the place we would go visit would help too. If going to new people, have them come and visit you first so everyone can get acquainted on safe ground. Plan toilet visits when you go anywhere. Basically the more structure you give the better things will go. Give praise for good things and don't dwell on mistakes, so your day will be more positive. Good luck
Yes, normal for an autistic person.
I have Asperger's and can relate to your daughter's distress. I used to scream a lot as well, but not so much these days because I have got better at managing my anger.
Changes to routine and not getting one's own way are all potential triggers. I can't offer much advice, but she may get better over time. Does she receive any therapy to help her manage her emotions?
Hi what else would you like yo know to be able to help
Does not sound normal, but it is very difficult to work out what to suggest from the information.
She has clearly learnt that if she persists she gets her way. But there may be more to it. Have you done any kind of sensory profile to try to figure out what some of the problems might be? It could be that her stress levels are just permanently too high for her to learn much or to cope. If you can figure out how to reduce her stress levels, you might get somewhere.
For example does going out overwhelm her to the point where she is overloaded? Or perhaps you have not given her enough information about where you are going. That would explain the behaviour when you want to go out.
Perhaps she is hypo-sensitive to bodily feelings and does not realise that she needs to wee until it is urgent. Or alternatively, perhaps she finds it hard to tell you that she needs to go in good time until forced to. Something called exposure anxiety can cause this problem. Without knowing more I cannot say whether this is bad behaviour or something more.