parent of a 21 year old with Asperges and ADHD

Hi DiB

Thanks for giving us more detail to consider. He sounds like hard work but I hope you find some useful help on the forum.

Longman's advice, which I would support, refers to delayed Theory of Mind and I would roughly translate that as H having not grown up properly yet. Many teenagers act irresponsibly and fall out with their parents in their late teens. They then leave home and start fending for themselves. This happened with my eldest (it's me that's on the spectrum rather than my sons!) and he was thrown in at the deep end and discovered for himself how the world treats you. We had been protecting him by putting a roof over his head, providing food and pocket money so his arrival in the world, where you have to buy your own food and pay rent, was a bit of a shock. He survived this very well and has come out the other side as a much more mature young man who is now really a good and trusted friend. I'm not recommending that you throw him out though! I suspect that he might not cope at all well and that he would be eaten alive by the harsh realities of the world as he sounds more like a 10-12 year old in his behaviour rather than a 21 year old.

Somehow he needs to learn the rules and boundaries. Somehow you have to determine rules and boundaries that he can abide by. i.e. this is a two way process where you might have to set different rules for him compared to a normal young person but he still has to learn that stealing is very wrong and that there are consequences. What sanctions did you apply when you found that he had the DVDs?

How do you set his budget? What happened when he incurred the roaming charges?

Obsessive computer gaming is a common problem for people on the spectrum. If you are unsuccessful with dealing with real people then the computer screen gives easy relief and reward.

It sounds as though he should be getting DLA/PIP and possibly carers allowances as he does not sound mature enough to survive without significant assistance in the real world. If you got some part time specialist help then do you think you might have an easier time? This doesn't come through the health system as there isn't a disease that can be treated but it sounds from your description that he has real problems that could really benefit from some real assistance.

Hi DiB

Thanks for giving us more detail to consider. He sounds like hard work but I hope you find some useful help on the forum.

Longman's advice, which I would support, refers to delayed Theory of Mind and I would roughly translate that as H having not grown up properly yet. Many teenagers act irresponsibly and fall out with their parents in their late teens. They then leave home and start fending for themselves. This happened with my eldest (it's me that's on the spectrum rather than my sons!) and he was thrown in at the deep end and discovered for himself how the world treats you. We had been protecting him by putting a roof over his head, providing food and pocket money so his arrival in the world, where you have to buy your own food and pay rent, was a bit of a shock. He survived this very well and has come out the other side as a much more mature young man who is now really a good and trusted friend. I'm not recommending that you throw him out though! I suspect that he might not cope at all well and that he would be eaten alive by the harsh realities of the world as he sounds more like a 10-12 year old in his behaviour rather than a 21 year old.

Somehow he needs to learn the rules and boundaries. Somehow you have to determine rules and boundaries that he can abide by. i.e. this is a two way process where you might have to set different rules for him compared to a normal young person but he still has to learn that stealing is very wrong and that there are consequences. What sanctions did you apply when you found that he had the DVDs?

How do you set his budget? What happened when he incurred the roaming charges?

Obsessive computer gaming is a common problem for people on the spectrum. If you are unsuccessful with dealing with real people then the computer screen gives easy relief and reward.

It sounds as though he should be getting DLA/PIP and possibly carers allowances as he does not sound mature enough to survive without significant assistance in the real world. If you got some part time specialist help then do you think you might have an easier time? This doesn't come through the health system as there isn't a disease that can be treated but it sounds from your description that he has real problems that could really benefit from some real assistance.