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My diagnosis has made me lose my confidence

Wiggy1978

Hi omg this is awkward tbh....I could write a essay but will try to keep it short....ive always struggled through life and was referred for a assessment age 48 and thought I would feel free and relieved at a diagnosis but im not. I now question anything I do and don't trust my own judgement and choices. Im a single mum of 3 children who have also been diagnosed but I suddenly feel like im not strong any more. Ive always been so independent and been happy but now I feel maybe it was a automatic act ive now lost. Im struggling at work as i feel like everything has changed and I don't know how to deal with the diagnosis...I actually wish I hadn't had the assessment and just gone on with life being quirky and happy....so there's my introduction and probably overshared sorry lol x

Parents

  • Hi Wiggy, you absolutely have not overshared at all. I would echo what the others have said here, the diagnosis is not the end of the process, but the beginning. I felt similarly to you immediately afterwards (I was diagnosed at 45) but have done a lot of work since to accept who I am. I would highly recommend therapy if you can find someone who specialises in neuro diversity. I saw a therapist who is AuDHD himself, as I am (let me know if you are in the Gloucestershire area and I can PM you his details) starting from the point I realised I was autistic, through the diagnosis and afterwards. It was so hopeful to me to work through my feelings on it and come to terms with what I struggle with but also, what I am good at. I now feel a lot more accepting of my own limitations (viewed as such by the neurotypical world) and my strengths (ways in which neurotypical are limited but I am not!). Everyone is different of course but I now know that I am not inferior to neuro typical people, as I used to believe I was, but I am just different. I now view the expectations and behaviours of non autistic people with a kind of amused indifference to the pointlessness of a lot of it. Eg I overhear people having long conversations about not much and think of cats meowing at each other, glad that I don't feel the need for that behaviour (what a waste of time when I could be doing something way more interesting!). That doesn't mean that I don't struggle with stuff still. Occasionally I will have to be involved in a social situation and feel like I am getting it wrong and the old shame returns, but I get over it quickly and don't really worry about what the other person thinks of me for very long. I know about my sensitivities (noise being the main one) and I don't just berate myself for not coping with it, but I do the things I need to either remove myself from it, block it out or cope with it. Sometimes I can't do anything and just have to suffer, but I am kinder to myself about my response.

    Sorry, rambled on for a bit there but just to say, how you feel now doesn't have to be how you feel in a years time. You can still have a quirky and happy life - indeed there is no reason it can't be even happier and quirkier!

  • in reply to McFrost
    McFrost said:
    I now view the expectations and behaviours of non autistic people with a kind of amused indifference to the pointlessness of a lot of it.

    I love this, and I feel exactly the same!!

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