• Replies 16 replies
  • Subscribers 78 subscribers
  • Views 737 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

The penny drops, but what now?

RocketScientist

Hi, everyone. This is my first post here. I'm hoping that this community will give me ideas on how to approach life, knowing that I am probably autistic, having only worked this out in my early sixties.

I am happily married and have 2 adult children. Last year I had what I suspect was an autistic meltdown during a house party at our home. My wife insisted that I had therapy to deal with anger issues (I am not generally an angry person, but I can certainly surprise everyone with a proper tantrum every year or so).

I had 6 therapy sessions. I picked a therapist who specialised in neuro divergence because I had increasingly suspected I might be “on the spectrum”. She wasn't much help; I talked a lot but didn't get any answers I hadn't already come up with myself.

At the end of session 5, out of the blue, she pointed me at the Embrace Autism website and said that I might find something helpful there! She promptly took a few weeks off.

I did a few tests. To summarise, I was showing fairly strong autistic characteristics, mainly language, social-relatedness, special interests and assimilation.

Without anyone to ask, I took to Google. Things started to dawn on me. Past events made more sense. I realised why I was the girl-shy nerd at school. I realised why I struggle to make good friends on my own. I realised why I stressed about weird things and had some superhuman sense of justice and fair play.

Then I started to feel sad. The more research I did, the more I felt broken. So I stopped. That was a year ago.

The positives I have gained are that I now have an excuse for occasional “bad behaviour”, and can better prepare for difficult times.

The negatives are that I still can't deal with people any better, my social life hasn't improved, I still get frustrated and I still annoy the hell out of my wife when I go wrong. At least now she knows there is a reason for it, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I just read a book on autism written by a comedian. It’s an interesting read, but I feel like I'm falling into the pit of doom again, so I decided to come here.

Sorry, this is all a bit serious. I'm actually a good laugh when you meet me.

Parents

  • Hi,

    I was diagnosed at 53 , which was really just a confirmation exercise really as the writing had always been on the wall.

    I suppose the diagnosis itself initially brought a sense of relief that I wasn't really broken, unfortunately that feeling didn't last as it was overtaken by feelings of grief and anger for the loss of a life not lived.

    I'm a couple of years down the line and I suppose it's getting a little easier but I still want to live the life that I didn't have. I wonder what friendship would look or feel like?

    I finally stopped drinking in August of 2025 but I'd be lying if I'd not been tempted of late as life has been difficult for the last 6 months. I know it's not really the answer but it's always been a means to an end, whether that's to improve my sociability or a way to relax.

    Being diagnosed has allowed me to give myself a little slack.

    I suppose it's like the not drinking thing, it's just one day at a time.

  • in reply to Hergé

    It's safe to say that I like a drink as much as the next person. I wasn't sure if it was a taboo subject on here, as I don't want to be seen to promote a form of drug use. I don't.
    A long time ago, I found that alcohol helped me make friends. That's not really very surprising, as you could say that about plenty of NT people too. I just put it down to being shy as a teenager.
    When I was a university student, I went from having a couple of friends to having an absolute whirl of a social life - much of it centred around pubs, gigs, clubs and parties. Inevitably, this involved drink, but also I felt surrounded by kindred souls - people who could talk obsessively about all sorts of involved subjects without coming across as Mr Spock.
    While I could probably say I am somewhat dependent on alcohol, I wouldn't honestly call myself an alcoholic. It helps with my shyness, awkwardness and social anxiety, but I don't depend on it. It's a crutch. If I was chilled and outgoing, I'd probably not be heading straight for the bar.

Reply
  • in reply to Hergé

    It's safe to say that I like a drink as much as the next person. I wasn't sure if it was a taboo subject on here, as I don't want to be seen to promote a form of drug use. I don't.
    A long time ago, I found that alcohol helped me make friends. That's not really very surprising, as you could say that about plenty of NT people too. I just put it down to being shy as a teenager.
    When I was a university student, I went from having a couple of friends to having an absolute whirl of a social life - much of it centred around pubs, gigs, clubs and parties. Inevitably, this involved drink, but also I felt surrounded by kindred souls - people who could talk obsessively about all sorts of involved subjects without coming across as Mr Spock.
    While I could probably say I am somewhat dependent on alcohol, I wouldn't honestly call myself an alcoholic. It helps with my shyness, awkwardness and social anxiety, but I don't depend on it. It's a crutch. If I was chilled and outgoing, I'd probably not be heading straight for the bar.

Children
No Data