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Be kind please

Iago

Before I start, please note that I am not naming anyone and will not be drawn into doing so.

On a recent post by someone else here, a comment was made that I thought was problematic, and I flagged it.  It led (as far as I can see from my emails) to a hurtful discussion that has now been deleted, and one person said they felt unwelcome and would not return to this forum as a result.  I'm very sad about that outcome; it needn't have escalated.

I know that we can be blunt (I have often been accused of speaking before thinking), and maybe as an older person some wisdom has accrued over the years.  So, can I ask that people think a little about what they say; words can mean more than one thing and can hurt more than we intend.  Looking at the discussion, I can see that much was said not intending to harm, but I can also see how easy misinterpretation was involved. 

Hopefully, the person who has decided to leave can still be reached and will return; it will be a shame if not.

  • Been their, we do come across blunt, but 9/10 we don't mean it too, try not beat yourself up about it 

  • Well said,  We never know the full story of what is happening for anyone else, so 'be kind please' is an important thing to remember as we tap a keyboard.

  • Iago said:
    So, can I ask that people think a little about what they say; words can mean more than one thing and can hurt more than we intend. 

    Thank you for this.

  • in reply to Alexa

    As soon as I saw the first comment, I thought it could be a problem, which is a major thing for me as I am normally the first to miss the blindingly obvious!  And it took me a good few hours to work out what to say and then to decide to post it here, but it seemed important to try and remind people that there is another fragile human on the other side of the screen.

    But then, this is a space for autistics, and we are famously blunt/honest, so I guess it's a forlorn hope to ask for change on that front.

  • Saying the wrong thing is easy to do but can be a disaster, especially within an ND community where so many (?most ?all) of us feel rejection very keenly. Sometimes I rephrase things several times before I feel something is OK (on any forum) and, even then, I might post and feel unhappy afterwards in case I went too far.

    I think you're right that's it's easier as we get older to think about these things - although it depoends on personality!. I was far more heedless in my 20s and 30s. These days, I try to tone down my bluntness and it does take effort, but effort to be gentle and kind is always worth it.