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New member - Autism, alcohol, life

TemporarilyNotSoil

Greetings!


I am new to this group. I’m not sure how much detail is appropriate, so I will try to be brief.

I’m a 66-year old male living in the US. Married for 39 years with two living adult daughers and one daughter who died as an infant.

For most of my adult life, I was a pretty heavy user of alcohol. I started in high school and it got progressively worse over time. Eventually, it had gotten so bad that I finally accepted that it was a serious problem. It has been difficult, but I have been 100% sober for over four years.

Since quitting drinking, the inside of my head has become a much more noisy and chaotic space. Alcohol used to make it quieter, but I will not be doing that ever again. Despite the fact that sobriety has revealed  issues that had been suppressed by my alcohol use, I feel extremely grateful to be alcohol free and to have the opportunity to recognize and address those issues. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance.

I was dignosed with ADHD about twenty years ago. For a number of reasons, I am now questioning if I might be autistic instead of or in addition to having ADHD. It would explain a lot.

I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a year. She has made it clear that she is not qualified to make an evaluation, but thinks there is reason to look into it further. She has suggested that I get a full neuropsychological evaluation. I hope to retire soon, so other than satisfying my desire for answers, I’m not sure it makes sense to follow through with an assessment. That said, I’m finding it to be difficult to be moving through life with this giant, existential question looming and competing with the rest of the noise and chaos in my head. I keep it to myself almost all the time. Sometimes I feel as if my head is going to explode.

I don’t really talk to anyone about it aside from my therapist (who is great, but I only see her once a month) and my wife and daughters. I fear my family might get sick of hearing about it, so I don’t mention it much. I have a tendency to downplay it when I do talk to them about it. Are there other people with a similar experience? I would love to hear about it.

Thanks!

Parents

  • I was diagnosed with ASD at 53 and ADHD-i 8 months after that, obviously the writing had always been on the wall but the diagnosis still had their impact.

    I know what you mean about alcohol quieting the noise and chaos. I finally quit drinking last summer and it hasn't been easy sailing but I'm sticking with it. Christmas and new year were a struggle as it was the first time in almost 40 years I'd not had a drink over the festive period.

    I see a psychologist every few weeks, which has helped me explore who I am without having to filter my thoughts.

    I've got a fair amount going on in my life at the moment as my wife is unwell and I'm also just about completely burnt out, I really need a break but I'm trying to save my annual leave for when she has surgery.

    Take care.

  • in reply to Hergé

    Thanks for your reply. It's good to hear from other people.

    I'm happy for you that you quit drinking. For me, I'd say it's one of the best decisions I've made in my life. There have definitely been times that were more difficult than others. Holidays, going camping, the first time my wife went away for a week, the first time traveling alone. Also, I'm a musician, and tit seems that alcohol is all-pervasive in musical circles, at least where I live. I stopped playing music for a couple of years after I quit drinking because It was so strongly associated with alcohol in my mind. So many. challenges. Over the course of four-plus years, they have gotten easier for me and I trust myself more. I hope you find that to be true.

    Best wishes to you and your wife. It sounds stressful.

    Take care.

  • in reply to TemporarilyNotSoil
    TemporarilyNotSoil said:
    Also, I'm a musician, and tit seems that alcohol is all-pervasive in musical circles

    I started drinking due to my masters degree in music composition. The environment was immensely bohemian, and given that I worked at a conservative Christian university at the time, that free lifestyle was very appealing.

    So yes, I do believe alcohol and drugs are pervasive in many music circles. I believe this is likely due to a lot of us being sensitive to societal issues or recognizing that a future in music is often thankless and poor. Both were prevalent in my circle, as many of us questioned why we would invest so much money into a degree that honestly isn’t worth much.

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  • in reply to TemporarilyNotSoil
    TemporarilyNotSoil said:
    Also, I'm a musician, and tit seems that alcohol is all-pervasive in musical circles

    I started drinking due to my masters degree in music composition. The environment was immensely bohemian, and given that I worked at a conservative Christian university at the time, that free lifestyle was very appealing.

    So yes, I do believe alcohol and drugs are pervasive in many music circles. I believe this is likely due to a lot of us being sensitive to societal issues or recognizing that a future in music is often thankless and poor. Both were prevalent in my circle, as many of us questioned why we would invest so much money into a degree that honestly isn’t worth much.

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