Greetings!
I am new to this group. I’m not sure how much detail is appropriate, so I will try to be brief.
I’m a 66-year old male living in the US. Married for 39 years with two living adult daughers and one daughter who died as an infant.
For most of my adult life, I was a pretty heavy user of alcohol. I started in high school and it got progressively worse over time. Eventually, it had gotten so bad that I finally accepted that it was a serious problem. It has been difficult, but I have been 100% sober for over four years.
Since quitting drinking, the inside of my head has become a much more noisy and chaotic space. Alcohol used to make it quieter, but I will not be doing that ever again. Despite the fact that sobriety has revealed issues that had been suppressed by my alcohol use, I feel extremely grateful to be alcohol free and to have the opportunity to recognize and address those issues. I feel like I’ve been given a second chance.
I was dignosed with ADHD about twenty years ago. For a number of reasons, I am now questioning if I might be autistic instead of or in addition to having ADHD. It would explain a lot.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for about a year. She has made it clear that she is not qualified to make an evaluation, but thinks there is reason to look into it further. She has suggested that I get a full neuropsychological evaluation. I hope to retire soon, so other than satisfying my desire for answers, I’m not sure it makes sense to follow through with an assessment. That said, I’m finding it to be difficult to be moving through life with this giant, existential question looming and competing with the rest of the noise and chaos in my head. I keep it to myself almost all the time. Sometimes I feel as if my head is going to explode.
I don’t really talk to anyone about it aside from my therapist (who is great, but I only see her once a month) and my wife and daughters. I fear my family might get sick of hearing about it, so I don’t mention it much. I have a tendency to downplay it when I do talk to them about it. Are there other people with a similar experience? I would love to hear about it.
Thanks!
