Hi everyone. I’m 38 and I’m new here. I’m hoping to find some people who understand what life feels like from an AuDHD perspective, because I’m at a point where I really need to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
I was diagnosed with AuDHD recently, and while having an explanation for so many things has been a huge relief, it has also brought up a lot of emotions. Looking back over my whole life, so many things suddenly make sense — the exhaustion, feeling different, constantly trying to understand other people while feeling like they don’t understand me, and feeling like I’ve spent years masking and pushing myself beyond my limits.
I have spent so much of my life feeling misunderstood. I try incredibly hard. I care deeply, I notice things other people miss, and I often put a lot of effort into making sure I don’t hurt or upset people. But somehow I still often feel like I’m speaking a completely different language from everyone else.
I’ve had what I can only describe as a very rough life (and that’s an understatement) from around the age of 4. I’ve spent years surviving, adapting and carrying things that I now realise may have shaped the way I see the world and other people.
I’m very lucky to now have a GP who has been an absolute godsend. Having someone who listens, believes me and supports me has meant more than I can explain. But I’m still trying to understand myself after a lifetime of just getting through things.
I don’t really leave my home anymore. A big part of that comes from feeling like I can’t trust people and feeling exhausted from past experiences. My home has become my safe place. I know isolation isn’t always easy, but at the moment the outside world often feels overwhelming.
I’ve noticed that I have very little interest in forming new relationships or friendships, not because I don’t care about people, but because connection has often felt unsafe and exhausting. Letting people in feels dangerous when your experiences have taught you to protect yourself. I miss having people who genuinely understand me without me having to constantly explain myself.
I’ve been in a relationship for nearly 25 years. I believe I love my partner, but since my diagnosis and looking back at my life, I’ve found myself questioning so much. Am I questioning my relationship, or am I questioning everything because I’m finally stopping and looking at my life honestly? Did anything truly make me happy, or was I just surviving and pushing myself through each day?
Friendships have always been difficult for me. I don’t have a big social circle, and I often wonder why connecting with people seems so much harder for me than it appears to be for others. I would love to find people who understand that feeling of being lonely, even when you’ve spent your whole life trying to connect.
Right now I feel exhausted. Not just physically tired, but the kind of exhaustion that comes from years of masking, trying, explaining, adapting and feeling misunderstood.
But I also have things I love. I have three pugs who mean the absolute world to me and are a huge reason I keep going. I love crystals and have built a small crystal business because I love the creativity, beauty and community around them. I enjoy video games, K-pop, and anything that lets me get lost in another world for a while.
I’d really love to hear from other AuDHD people who have experienced similar things — burnout, isolation, difficulty trusting people, friendship struggles, late diagnosis, or the strange mixture of relief and grief that can come with finally understanding yourself.
I’m hoping to find some like-minded people who understand what it feels like to have tried so hard for so long. 
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Ps. Sorry for the LOOONG post!
