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Just Diagnosed - not sure what I expected

ryuzappy

Hello,

I got my diagnosis approx 2 hours ago, after waiting for about 3 years on the referral list. I knew that there would probably be a lot to deal with emotionally, but most of the things I was told to expect were about feeling relieved, like everything suddenly made sense, etc. I guess there is some of that, but there's also this deep sadness and maybe even resentment.

For context, I'm 32. I first started experiencing depression in my early/mid teens, but wasn't in a supportive environment so it was entirely unaddressed until my early twenties. I first brought up curiosity about an autism diagnosis when I was perhaps 25 or so, but the doctor at the time told me not to pursue it because I 'don't want that kind of label'. I ended up on antidepressants for about five years which I stopped some time last year, but I'm currently kind of concerned about them having sort of fried my brain a bit (I don't know if I feel things like I used to). It doesn't really help that I carry a lot of internalised stigma that I'm trying to undo.

I know this is a support community so I'm not expecting any medical or psychological input, but I guess I'm hoping I'm not entirely alone with these 'resentful' feelings, or feeling like I wasted 15+ years when I could have had answers, or if the paths I took to solve a problem only made it worse because it was solving the wrong problem, especially with the whole 'if only someone had actually listened to me' sort of thoughts that are swirling right now. Did anyone else feel this way, and how did you get over it or deal with it? Is it common?

Sorry if this is a lot, and thank you for any input.

Thanks

Parents

  • Hey,

    I was diagnosed at 39 in April, I knew I had it since 2024. But after the diagnosis, I had the initial shock, then I felt good for a few weeks and things started to make sense and fall in place. I learnt why I did things. I’ve learnt my trigger points and now can control exposure. 

    It comes in stages, I’ve realised give yourself alone time, where you can unwind, be with your thoughts and recover from any environments which you find overwhelming. Give yourself grace, allowances and most of all be kinder to yourself. I still haven’t disclosed it to my family, and currently struggling with this. As I have managed 39 years without, when I needed them the most, I managed.

    It is common what you’re feeling, I watched some Youtube videos around post diagnosis, which gave me useful insights.

    Best wishes.

    M

  • in reply to M&M001

    Thank you. Perhaps after some sleep things will look different - they usually do. I too haven't disclosed anything to family and don't plan to, but thankfully I have some friends and a partner who are understanding. Learning to give myself grace will be hard. I've always been incredibly self-critical. But now I suppose I can try to give myself a bit more understanding now I have evidence that there are contributing factors to the difficulties I experience. I'll check out some videos, too. Thanks again for taking the time to reply 

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  • in reply to M&M001

    Thank you. Perhaps after some sleep things will look different - they usually do. I too haven't disclosed anything to family and don't plan to, but thankfully I have some friends and a partner who are understanding. Learning to give myself grace will be hard. I've always been incredibly self-critical. But now I suppose I can try to give myself a bit more understanding now I have evidence that there are contributing factors to the difficulties I experience. I'll check out some videos, too. Thanks again for taking the time to reply 

Children
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