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Hello all, looking for friends and advice

Nicholas

Hi everyone, 

My name is Nick, I am 30 years old, autistic and have been dealing with depression and social anxiety for most of my life. I have had my ups and downs, but have always managed to pull through, and done my best to understand what I need to do to get myself through life. Unfortunately, I am reaching the point in life now where I am getting tired of trying, as when it comes to friendships, relationships and career opportunities, despite my best efforts they have all ended in failure. Some have been from my own failings, especially when I was younger, but a vast majority have been from toxic relationships, being let down by those I thought closest to me, and career wise, world events that are out of my control (I am a digital artist and writer that was just starting my career in a world now obsessed with AI and jobs becoming a scarce commodity). So I currently have never had a friendship last longer than 2 years, never had a long term relationship and am frightened all the work I've put into developing my skills for my career have been for nothing. 

Because of all this, for the last few years I have become very misanthropic, have severe trust issues, a great amount of self-hatred and just struggling to find the spark for life. I will always make the effort with others, but am regularly just disappointed with how self-centred most people are and can't find a connection with anyone. Which is why I am now here. I have recently taken up therapy with a specialist to try to help me deal with my issues, and they have suggested coming to speak with people who may have the same conditions and possibly same outlook on life. 

So hello everyone, I'd love to speak to anyone who may feel similarly, or just want to talk. I hope I haven't scared anyone off, I still always do my best to pleasant to others, so all are welcome!

Thanks for reading, all the best to everyone!

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    Hi Lucy,


    Yeah I feel you, I stopped trying to count long ago but have been at this for about 9 months now. Only 2 interviews, which went great apparently, but then no dice for whatever reason. I appreciate the kind words, and I hope you have better luck with your job search.

    All the best,

    Nicholas

  • in reply to Phased

    Hi Phased,

    Yeah you've hit the nail on the head. The idea of the fish learning to climb trees is not one I've heard before but definitely seems apropos. I am hoping what I've learned can be used for other things, but am yet to find that thing. Yeah hopefully I can find some connection here, and your message and the others here have been a nice start, so thank you for that.

    All the best

    Nicholas 

  • in reply to Oscar

    Hi Oscar,

    Thank you for your message. Yeah what you went through does sound very familiar. Though if it's any consolation, it's reassuring that you have made it to your 70's, so respect there. It's interesting you say that the natural slowing down makes autism more enjoyable, which is not something I've heard. I suppose my biggest fear is that I have still been unable to have the experiences one is supposed to have at my age or younger, and makes me worry if I'll ever have a family like I hope to some day. Do you have a family by any chance? 

    Thank you and all the best,

    Nicholas

  • Hello Nick,

    it is tough looking for work as I have applied for around 25 railway jobs and have not even got to the interview stage as I am rejected by automated systems or gain a low score in online assements.

    I hope you find this a great way to meet people. Being on the Community. Take care.  

  • Hi Nick :-)

    yep, I'm tired of life and tired of trying too - the well of energy that one draws on can sometimes be a little dry

    to pick up on what  has written - from what I've learned of autism the amount of energy an autistic person has to put into life for some things is perhaps higher than for neurotypical people.  Also an autistic person might be internalising unreasonable neurotypical expectations for themselves - the image I have picked up of this is about fish trying to learn how to climb trees.

    Getting trained to do one thing and find the rug gets pulled out from under one is something in some sense I can relate with too.  As much as one might like to hope that the work one has put into getting to where one is will manage to get one further - well perhaps that depends upon which way the ground is sloping, how much stored momentum one has and if there's someone else to help pick you up when you're down and share the journey with.  We have both engaged in that via this post I think.

    Best Wishes

    Phased

  • Hello Nick and welcome, I am sure you have not scared anyone off.

    Like you, I only joined this community recently, just after my diagnosis.  It is the only message board, I have ever found, that actually feels comfortable.   

    I can relate to everything you have written even though I am in my 70s. Many of your experiences I have experienced earlier in life. My feelings at the time were of internal confusion and sadness. Inevitably, this led to bouts of exhaustion (burnouts) and depression. This went on almost until I retired.

    So, in 2021 about 1 in 127 persons was autistic – WHO.  This means an autistic person/person with autism is in the generally in the midst of non-divergent people at work and play and sometimes home. To add to the mix, every autistic person is likely to have a unique autistic makeup. On reflection, I am not surprised that I never felt like I fitted in anywhere or with anyone, including my family. I simply do not have the "invisible glue" that binds most people. At times, I have probably spent over half of my waking hours, at work or play, trying to fit in. It was at best both exhausting and unrewarding.

    One of the few benefits of getting older is a natural slowing down which makes autism so much more enjoyable. From what you have written it sounds like you have coming to you own understanding very early in life.  

    I hope you will get the chance to read some of the many messages on this site. I find them very genuine, sometimes sad,  but often full of hope. They are very helpful in understanding autism as experienced by others and to some degree myself.  

  • Hi Nicholas, and a warm welcome to the online community!  It's wonderful to have you here, and I am sure you will be able to meet many like-minded folks.  It is also great to hear that you've been seeking support from a therapist to try and address some of the issues you've been having.

    Aside from our community, NAS also has many advice and guidance pages available.  I've listed a few here that you might like to have a look at, just from what you wrote about in your post.

    Anxiety

    Depression

    Socialising and relationships

    We also recently launched our Ask ASH service, which helps you to find relevant information on our site by asking a few multiple choice questions.

    As well as this information, I'd like to point you towards our Autism Services Directory.  If you are in the UK, this directory allows you to search by postcode for services created for and adapted to autistic people, including support groups and leisure activities, if you would like to try and build relationships with other autistic folks offline as well.

    Best of wishes to you, and I hope you enjoy your time here!