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I can’t do anything right.

DJR

Hi I’m a Dad of an autistic nineteen year old. I’m finding things hard as my daughter seems to hate me. She says to her mum that her relationship with me has broken down as she does think it can be fixed? I’m desperate to find a solution. I try and try with my daughter. She picks holes in everything I do and say. She just insulted me in front of the family saying that what I said about her being a super hero is insulting to her? What do I do? I feel like giving up! It’s been months like this. Please can you help me? 
thank you. 

  • in reply to Nicola Mod

    Thank you for this and to everyone for there support. X

  • HI DJR, and thanks for reaching out.  I am so sorry to hear that your relationship with your daughter is struggling at the minute - it must be incredibly difficult for you, but it's good to see that you are remaining supportive towards her and trying to fix the problems.  I can see you've already had some responses from our community members, but I'd also like to direct you towards our NAS guidance.

    Family relationships - a guide for parents and carers of autistic people

    You may also want to have a look at our What is Autism? resource, as it might help to give you more insight on what it is like for your daughter being autistic, what she may struggle with, how you can better support her, etc.

    NAS also offers the Parent to Parent helpline, which provides emotional support to parents and carers regarding their autistic children/grown-up children. The service is provided by trained volunteers with personal experience as the parent of an autistic child or adult. Our focus is on emotional support and understanding what it is like for you as a parent. We offer empathy, understanding, and a safe space to talk through your feelings and experiences.

    Best wishes to you and your family going forward.  Know that you are not alone in finding things hard, and the community is always here for you if you wish to post again.

  • That's a tough position to be in for everyone. And 19 can be a difficult period of growing of and finding a place in the world. 

    Has she been diagnosed autistic long or this this a recent thing? And what is the condition of her autism (characteristics etc) ? Understanding that and any other issues you are having might help. 

    Even outside of autism, listening often goes a long way to helping someone. To feel heard and recognised without judgement could be very powerful. 

  • in reply to Tamarinda

    Thank you. I understand. She did say that this doesn’t apply to her, being a super hero. I said the super hero thing as I’ve been reading ‘Can you see me’? book. Can you suggest how I should speak to her? Questions I can ask? Thank you. 

  • in reply to Tamarinda

    I do see why people say this though as the autistic brain does wmsidng things but also we do struggle a lot but all heroes do 

    But I guess we are all diffent to some autistic people the saying is a good one for others not so much 

  • Has she said specifically what the issues with her are? It's hard to comment when you haven't given any details of the problems between you.

    One thing is that a lot of autistic people find the 'super powers' narrative offensive. I'm sure you said this because it felt like a positive thing which would boost her confidence but autism can also be viewed as a disability which leads to lots of issues in life. If she is struggling right now then calling her a super hero may have felt dismissive of the challenges she is facing.