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Continue masters despite autistic burnout?

SHe

Hello,

I'm new here, due to a recent and still ongoing burnout, which led me to my discovery of me probably being AuDHD. Although I always knew I was different, I am absolutely unhappy about this discovery, especially this late in life (30 now), because now I know I obviously subscribed to suffering with my very birth and I don't see how this can get better anytime in life.

Right now I have the second huge burnout of my lifetime and again recognized it too late. I was blaming myself for being so fragile while everyone else can manage a job and university without such a major breakdown. Now I experience loss of skills, I can't always mask anymore so I developed social anxiety again and nothing even my special interest does excite me anymore. I even hate what I'm studying even though it used to be my special interest before. I lash out on people as soon as I am even slightly overstimulated even at my part time job with clients - which could even get me fired. As this is progressing day by day and I started develop even somatic symptoms, I finally decided to pursue diagnosis and tell my supervisor at university. Turns out people are even less supportive and understanding when you finally find the courage to seek for help and yes they will judge you immensely and avoid you like a plage afterwards. Especially in high performing academia people are very harsh and the humiliation I got in return was enough to destroy my last will to survive.

Internally I am facing the decision, do I quit my masters although I only have one semester left (but the major work is coming now) or do I continue to expose myself to people humiliating me for cognitive decline and weird behaviour and overstimulation but maybe I will be able to leave with a degree somehow (all that without professional help as I might not find it in time). 

Anyways I found this page or the page found me so if anyone has any suggestions or insights on how I should decide that would help. And I need to decide in three days max. :)

Thanks for taking time to read this.

  • This sounds like a very difficult situation. I'm sorry your having to deal with it. Burn out is hard and typically trying to fight against it doesn't work. But I also understand that you wouldn't want to give up on something you've worked so hard for. It is frustrating that you haven't been met with a more supportive response when struggling. I know what you mean, people say it's ok not to be ok and then you're not ok and it's apparently not ok.

    I am wondering whether this has to be a decision of stop completely or continue now? I don't know whether you've looked at other options when you asked for help and weren't met with support but if you didn't, just some suggestions. Some people take a year out of their degree, essentially just press pause and come back to it the next academic year. This seems like it would be a good solution for you if your university would allow it. Another possibility is whether you have to physically attend as much. Is there a way some of it could be online to reduce your overwhelm. They may say no to this as it may take more work on their part.

    Remember you have rights and they legally have to make reasonable adjustments for you. I find tools like chat gpt can be very useful at times like this to draft up an email for you that states the legal legislation etc. People often respond more quickly and more cooperatively when they realise you know the law and can fight for yourself.

    Good luck with whatever you decide.

  • Hi and welcome to the community.

    I'm so sorry - what a horrible position to be in. I suggest asking your GP for support - and also your university's welfare office and students' union. It's far from true that everyone else can cope with such things, so please don't blame or criticise yourself by thinking that. (Only around three in ten autistic people of working age have jobs, and autistic people do tend to struggle more with completing their degrees than others).

    I feel wary about offering any opinions that could influence what's clearly a very important, personal decision. In that context, some suggestions:

    - It might seem obvious, but writing out a list of pros and cons could help with reaching a decision, whilst you also explore other routes for accessing moral and practical support at your university. 

    - It might also be worth exploring whether there's a third option of pausing or suspending your studies, on disability / health grounds.

    You might also find these resources helpful:

    NAS - Disability discrimination in further and higher education (GB)

    Burnout:

    NAS - Autistic fatigue and burnout

    NAS Professional Practice - Understanding autistic burnout

    NAS - Seeking help with mental health

    There's also some great (free) advice here from Dr Megan Neff - a neurodivergent author, clinician and advocate:

    Neurodivergent Insights - Autistic Burnout Recovery: How to Build a Recovery Plan

    I also have this book of hers. It's very user-friendly, including lots of diagrams and worksheets:

    The Autistic Burnout Workbook: Your Guide to Your Personal Recovery Plan

    I hope that some of the information here is helpful.