Hello,
I'm new here, due to a recent and still ongoing burnout, which led me to my discovery of me probably being AuDHD. Although I always knew I was different, I am absolutely unhappy about this discovery, especially this late in life (30 now), because now I know I obviously subscribed to suffering with my very birth and I don't see how this can get better anytime in life.
Right now I have the second huge burnout of my lifetime and again recognized it too late. I was blaming myself for being so fragile while everyone else can manage a job and university without such a major breakdown. Now I experience loss of skills, I can't always mask anymore so I developed social anxiety again and nothing even my special interest does excite me anymore. I even hate what I'm studying even though it used to be my special interest before. I lash out on people as soon as I am even slightly overstimulated even at my part time job with clients - which could even get me fired. As this is progressing day by day and I started develop even somatic symptoms, I finally decided to pursue diagnosis and tell my supervisor at university. Turns out people are even less supportive and understanding when you finally find the courage to seek for help and yes they will judge you immensely and avoid you like a plage afterwards. Especially in high performing academia people are very harsh and the humiliation I got in return was enough to destroy my last will to survive.
Internally I am facing the decision, do I quit my masters although I only have one semester left (but the major work is coming now) or do I continue to expose myself to people humiliating me for cognitive decline and weird behaviour and overstimulation but maybe I will be able to leave with a degree somehow (all that without professional help as I might not find it in time).
Anyways I found this page or the page found me so if anyone has any suggestions or insights on how I should decide that would help. And I need to decide in three days max. :)
Thanks for taking time to read this.
