• Replies 5 replies
  • Subscribers 77 subscribers
  • Views 291 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Friendships

SallyA30

Does anyone else struggle with what I call unequal friendships? 
I asked my friend to attend my graduation in September and they aren’t going to come. I’d go for them and I find this happens a lot. I feel friends don’t do for me what I do for them?

  • I still struggle with it now to some degree but I feel I've became a lot better at analysing people before I put a lot of emotion, time and finances into them.

    I don't trust anyone other than myself to be honest, a depressing way to live but at least it's a safe one.

  • Yeah that can be really tough. 

    I had a 'friend' in uni, where it was always a bit like that.

    Once, she had started a part-time job and they were having a night out. She was a bit unsure of going so asked me to come along for moral support. But once at the night club, she just chased her boyfriend around (who wasn't very nice), and I was left to speak to her colleagues by myself. They were nice thankfully, but then my friend returned and apologised for ignoring me after asking me along. I was about to say it's okay as she was there now, but before I could she then said so I could just go now. It took me a minute to understand that she wanted me to go so she didn't feel guilty. Walking home alone was tough, as normally on nights out I wasn't braving the streets alone, and feeling stupid for spending longer getting ready then I did actually allowed out. 

    It's hard when it's uneven. I eventually realised I wasn't actually a friend but more a convenience.

  • Yes I fully understand this, and have spent many hours wondering what I have done wrong or replaying conversations or things I have said where I know it was awkward or I was too blunt. From what I understand us autistic people can go all in with a friendship and the other person may not feel quite so committed, we don’t notice the subtle signs of this. It’s hard though that your friend hasn’t given a reason they can’t come as this leaves you open to deciding why, but it might be a good reason such as a hospital appointment etc. could you ask your friend? 

  • Hi 

    Sad to say yes I agree friendship can feel unequal sometimes. I don’t understand why though especially something like a graduation that’s a big event in a persons life and congratulations by the way Tada could you ask why they can’t accompany you?

  • Hi SallyA30,

    Welcome to the forum.

    I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It can be really hurtful when it feels like you're putting more into friendships than you're getting back. Hopefully, some of our members will share their experiences and what's helped them navigate similar situations.

    Rishma Mod