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Diagnosed at 41

NewuserAR220726

Hi,

I’ve been recently diagnosed as autistic at the age of 41 and I am struggling. I’m in this awkward phase of wanting to drop my mask and live authentically as myself but I am having trouble letting go of my old habits.  I worry that I am going through skill regression and losing some of the ability that I had before, and, because I tend to view my self-worth through the value that I bring to others – especially at work – I am going through something of a crisis of confidence.

Does anyone have recommendations for any resources that might be available – books, websites, podcasts, youtube pages etc – for any help with late-diagnosis anxiety?

Thanks in advance.

Happy to be here!

Andrew

  • Hi Andrew, 

    Great News about your assessment. I cannot provide any literature but the following is how I am at 5 months post-assessment. The following is only my take on it.

    It has been quite an unsettled time as I discover the significance of my assessment. 

    I am beyond working age and have very few relatives who I do not readily stay in touch with. My partner was involved in my assessment process and that was important. There has been a degree of shift in our relationship as I discover and gently (and not so gently) assert my new needs - as measured wth my autism ruler!  All this against my partner's needs as someone with diagnosed ADHD.

    I never thought an assessment would be earth shattering. For me, it was more of a landslip rather than an earthquake i.e. disturbing but not destructive.  The real positive is the feeling of well-being and completeness that comes from answering the question "Who am I really and how did I get here." So all rather existential.

    Somethings have certainly changed radically others have not; some things are no longer as important and other things are even more important. I don't want to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" at the moment when I am not really sure which is which!

     

      

        

       

  • Congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community! 

    Following a diagnosis, it can be common for us to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation. After getting over the initial impact, my diagnosis turned out to be the start of a new journey of learning and adapting. I'd suggest taking extra care to be patient to, and kind with, yourself - and to take your time with processing everything.

    The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months, and others covering the kinds of support that you can access. You might find them helpful as a starting point:

    NAS - How will I feel after receiving an autism diagnosis - includes perspectives from other autistic people

    NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis - including:

    • Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
    • Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
    • Formal support following an autism diagnosis
    • What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

    A couple of other articles that might be useful, in respect of anxiety:

    NAS - Anxiety - discusses anxiety in the context of autism

    NAS - Seeking help with mental health

    Therapy or counselling are often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. If you prefer, depending on where you are in the UK, you might instead be able to self refer for talking therapy on the NHS. 

    Before arranging it, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful:

    The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy

    Finally, I'll just mention a couple of books that I and others have found helpful early on in our post-diagnosis journeys:

    Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

    How to Be Autistic (free download currently available via this page)

  • Hi and welcome Hugging 

    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling with this but can I applaud your wish to live authentically. It is a difficult phase but with time hopefully things should improve.

    Im sorry I don’t have any resources to pass on but hopefully someone else can help with that.

    Wishing you the very best Blush