Content removed at request of original poster

[content removed at request of original poster]

The condition will only become easier if you understand it more the way to do this is through research and reading it's a big spectrum so everyone has a different life living with the condition but it's all autism alot of people struggle with the socialising in big groups of people.

Hi Fiona

So much you describe fits me too. Diagnosed aged 64, and majorly abused over the years hence diagnosed with C-PTSD. I too cut people off if they hurt me or I judge them dangerous to be with. Groups feel inappropriate for me for the reasons you describe too. I want to sit with equals, similar age, similar intellect, similar socio economic and ethnic groups. It is obvious too much to reasonably expect so although married with a very supportive relationship I cannot keep friends. Either they hurt me and are made history by me, or my inability to read subtexts, hints, body language means I offend them with no idea why. I don’t see autism as this wonderful gift to be congratulated about but a part of the curse complex which has damaged me since birth. 

Yeah that sounds familiar, it’s sad but it’s never too late.

I feel like I’m partially responsible because I didn’t feel safe enough to ever be myself with anyone either. 

Hopefully things can change for both of us

[content removed at request of original poster]

Hi FionaB and welcome to a place where you'll hopefully feel understood and supported. I just wrote my first post yesterday and I had lots of kind people reply.

I'm in a similar situation, I got "officially" diagnosed in May at the age of 67. As a child I felt different but for some reason I had high self esteem and quite liked myself. Like you, there were problems being with other people at school and work and I was bullied. 

I haven't found a local group but I get reassurance from this forum plus a few YouTube channels - professional psychologists specialising in Autism. I learn so much about myself, and fellow autistic people who comment are supportive. If people can't go to a group, or can't find a suitable group yet,  I recommend the YouTube channels I follow.

I don't know if that helps but I hope so. Take care and feel free to write or comment on the forum, it's brilliant.

Hi  and welcome 

I understand what you mean about the group setting being mixed support needs. The group I attend is like this but I’m just glad there is a group I am able to join in my area.

I must admit I did have reservations when I first joined I did think I didn’t belong there but as I have got to know people more it’s the most relaxed I’ve ever been in a social setting.  Everyone is different but underneath all the differences there seems to be a feeling of authenticity and shared understanding, which I haven’t found anywhere else.

I realised a few days ago that I’ve never had a friend, I think this may be quite common amongst people with autism but it doesn’t mean we don’t want connection and given time I think it could be easier to maintain a friendship with someone who gets it.

Wishing you well

I think I understand how you feel, a lifetime of feeling less and different but just not knowing why. I was just given a pamphlet after my diagnosis, I’ve looked locally for support groups, I start to read into them and they then mention support for the autistic person and their parents, oh another child based group.

I’m okay with levels not being given after a diagnosis, it seems my needs can be different from day to day. I and many here have been told by GP,s that we were depressed and given medication, I found none of it made me feel better. Friends are better in quality not quantity, I do find I need longer periods alone. 

Welcome and I hope you stick around, I’ve found this group to be the only place where I feel understood and not alone. 

Hello Fiona, 

Looks like I might have the privilege of being the first to reply. 

I am in my early 70s and have just been diagnosed.  There is an amazing similarity between your experiences and my own.  I too, am taking my time as there is so much to feel and think about. However, I have never felt more generally relaxed and at peace in my life.  Oddly, nothing seems like it has actually changed: the past is another place, the present is very much the same and the future quite unknown. I think that the only thing that has changed is I now have "a new ruler" to measure everything by. So, nearly everything has to be re-evaluated. As I said to someone recently "my shadow has at last caught up with me". I feel that shadow was my autism that was missing from hospital and doctor appointments, work, relationships, friendships, counselling and therapy sessions, etc.  It always kept its distance because I didn't quite know it existed. 

So, I hope you find this community a good place to be. I do.

Best wishes for your new future,
Oscar