I received the phone call I've been waiting for yesterday and was told that I meet the diagnostic criteria for autism. It officially confirmed something that I've felt for a long time. I'm 49 - about to turn 50 this month.
The immediate feeling I felt was relief as I had been really anxious about the results of the assessment. Since then I've just felt numb. Some memories from past relationships when I was a teenager came up and I realised why I acted the way I did. It's such a strange feeling viewing my whole life through a different lens.
The only person I told was my husband but he just has the view 'the label doesn't matter. You're the same person anyway/'. My GP also said the same thing to me recently when I told her I was anxious about the diagnosis. I find this view really frustrating as it doesn't;t acknowledge what a big change it is in mid life to suddenly see yourself a different way.
Today I really leaned into my routines to feel stable. Grateful for the gym I go to where I just turn up for class and workout without having to talk or be judged.
My work is arranging an occupational health assessment for me which will help them suggest reasonable adjustments for me. I'm currently off sick with burnout. It will be weird in the workplace to be seen differently after masking for so long and being seen as capable or even high achieving. I know that I can't go back to pushing myself like I did before but I feel like it's expected of me.
It feels like I'm at the start of a journey of changing my life and self identity but not sure exactly where to start. I was already doing a lot of research into autism anyway and joining forums like this one. I have a counsellor through my company's EAP so it will be good to talk this through with them.
Interested to hear how other late-diagnosed people felt when they got their diagnosis and what were some of the changes they made after diagnosis.
