Hi all,
As per the title, I'm 51 years old, and over the past few months, to maybe a few years, I've come to realise I may be autistic. Most of my thinking has been done over just a couple of months, but I have wondered for a long time. The truth is, I have hit a wall. They call it burnout, I understand. I just have gotten to a point where I couldn't cope, so I turned to something I love to do. I read. I learned.
I learned mostly about myself. I have heavily leaned in to using AI to map my perceived traits and in doing so have regurgitated a lot of old memories that, along with the reading, have given me a glimpse into myself that I have never seen.
I do plan to visit here and post this trait map so that others may see it and see if it resonates with them. I suffer a great deal of what I understand they call Imposter Syndrome. I think I'm making it up. I saw a doctor last week and I mentioned my theories that I'm autistic. My doctor told me "everyone has autistic traits". When I told him that I'd never felt lower than I do now he replied that "low mood is something we all have to battle through at some stage in our lives", or words to that effect. He couldn't even congratulate me that that low mood has led to me losing a good amount of weight. I fit in to a waist 36 yesterday. I've been wearing 40s for so long. My doctor had just said "you need to lose more weight".
I know this is all a bit gloomy. I try to be a naturally jokey person, but my humour has often been a bit dark, so I'll moderate that here. I've worked in the same place for nearly 23 years and cultivated a very Carry On style humour with the people I've worked with many of those years. Some of those people have been a rock to me and have helped me immensely. I now realise what the support of people I can now call friends (for years I struggled to think of colleagues as anything but colleagues) means. The problem is, as much as they try, those people don't always understand what it means to think you're autistic. I've turned to the local mental health hub and now here to connect with similar people and even better understand myself.
My doctor did eventually refer me for Autism Assessment via Right To Choose. It may be because I put a rather blunt review of my experience at that surgery on a website. My doctor had sent me a questionnaire but failed to attach it properly. I'd been to reception to ask for it to be sent and so I suspect they easily connected my review with me.
The next morning I woke to a text message saying I'd been referred!
This is getting a bit long, but I'll say a few things about myself. I'm a geek. I love all things sci-fi. Star Trek, Star Wars, Buffy (oh yes) and Firefly are the big ones. I am also a huge fan of old British sitcoms. You can't beat a bit of Dad's Army, One Foot In The Grave or Red Dwarf.
I love to write (I assume that's evident 
) and am actually 10k words into a novel (but have hit a wall). I used to write a lot around a game called Everquest. Everquest was a huge moment for me in my 20s and I learnt to socialise better thanks to that game. I used to write a series based on one of my characters from that game, a loveable little scamp of a halfling that liked practical jokes and jum jums (think sweet rhubarb, if you've never played Everquest).
I am a gamer, though my current mood has sadly sapped a lot of joy out of that hobby for me. You'll find me playing games like Satisfactory, Cities Skylines or The Planet Crafter and spending hours making sure everything is perfectly lined up, because I have some serious gamer OCD! 
In 2023 I took 3 months off my job and travelled for the first time since I was in my late teens. I spent 10 weeks travelling from Helsinki back to the UK by train, boat and bus. It was solo, but I cope so well with that. It has changed me a bit, though it did also highlight some faults. I'm proud I managed to do it, and people have said I should be proud. Since then I've travelled a lot. Small, four or five day trips to European cities. Off to Kobenhavn soon. Some of my favourite places below. Schwerin, Budapest and Berchtesgaden
Thanks, if you read all that.
