Hello there folks.
Thought id join this for a bit of support and to see what others have endured. I was finally diagnosed with ASD when I was nearly 45 years old, with hindsight I wish Id had this sorted years ago as my life has been hard just like many on here. There are times I doubt I have ASD as it feels more like something serious is wrong with my brain i.e like strokes, dementia and so on as a result of the many peculiar mental symptoms I have had over the years…..all compounded by severe panic attacks and feeling like a prisoner….life has been disappointing after a terrifying experience in 2004, when I had a viral illness which I was sure had harmed my brain…even thought doctors said its rare to develop encephalitis from a cold sore virus primary infection which is what I had and wasnt nice with flu like symptoms…..now many with ASD and other mental health conditions turned to doctor google which made me worry about this….at the time i was worried and odd things started to happen…I was in a relationship and was probably stressed…..first thing i noticed was forgetting how to do things which was very scary as it literally felt like something physical has happened in my brain and doctor said this was just anxiety and stress…..BUT it didnt lift, then i became more anxious and depressed leading to more…..you guessed it…dr google!
I hadnt been diagnosed at the time and felt like I was losing my mind and had a brain scan which showed nothing wrong, yet the feeling was still there and also medications were chopped and changed making things even worse, triggering extreme panic like i never had before
for many years I have tried to regain what I lost, although not as bad as then…i struggle with the feeling that maybe after all part of my brain is damaged and it gets me down….I even dream brain damage dreams, and genuinely fear I’ll get dementia after all…..I cannot explain exactly how it feels but it is hellish and to have severe panic that makes going away for day trips impossible I often wonder if there is any hope for things to improve…can my brain really get better after all this time? I will be 52 this year and some days I just want to go to sleep and not wake up as I mourn the loss of the old me, who felt less damaged and had some freedom…
feel free to share your stories and or advice as there is no real support in my area of Scotland and psychiatry in the past has made a mess…..bless all on here and may you live one day at a time
steve
