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Just diagnosed and feel like I’m going backwards

Scentsibubble

Hi all,

I was diagnosed with Autism on Monday and even though it will take a while to process, I do feel hope for my future in terms of understanding myself for the first time; but at the moment, I’m just exhausted and it feels never ending. Unable to do basic chores, eating food out the packet - I never really feel hungry anyway. Washing my hair is even harder than normal and I hate the feeling of freshly washed hair next to my face on a good day. 


I’m a 49 year old female and I’d really love to connect with other Autistic people. It would be great to hear how others cope. I have a lot yet to learn but I’m grateful that I don’t have to feel so alone on this planet anymore.


I struggle to rest and end up in a scroll hole on my phone, which I can’t seem to stop once I’m in, even though I know it will exhaust me further. Although on the plus side, I do think I’m feeling a little more self accepting.

Apologies if I’m rambling on and for any typos. I’ve been editing and re reading this for far too long now Upside down

Anyway, thanks for having me on here Blush and I hope to hear back. 

Parents

  • Welcome and thank you for your message because I find myself relating to it. 

    After slightly over 1yr of going through the Right To Choose referral for assessment pipeline, I also received the outcome of my ASD assessment this Monday - and as was zero surprise, I too have been diagnosed with Autism. 

    I'm 47, female, and also find it a confusing balance of hope for the future (and the value of self understanding) and being very overwhelmed and having taken a distinct step back in basic functional stuff. 

    What I'm trying to hold onto for myself is that thinking of steps as being forward or backward can mean I miss what's really going on for me: at any time I'm a cluster of things, some I understand and some I don't, some I'm aware of and many I'm not. But, me in whatever moment is a compilation of all the things going on behind it. Finally getting a diagnosis, for me, has been a massive journey and an outcome of about 15months of deep thought, reading, reflection, etc., and over a year of going through the gruellingly slow referral, assessment and outcome phase. 

    One of the biggest things for me was profound relief. I felt like this was the world acknowledging my struggles, and in some way therefore making it validated. Like the opposite of a sensation of being gaslit. And, of course, there's the overwhelm, the 'what now', the 'how do I learn to do me', and the sadness and sense of loss regarding the decades of my life where I feel I've suffered and missed out because of having been so hugely masked and hidden. 

    So, here's a big friendly kind and warm thought towards you and what this week means, and to me - for the same, and to this wonderful community of people and the experiences that are shared. 

    Thank you to all, and as a 1week old member of this community, Hello!  

  • in reply to Maja

    Thank you so much for your reply and sharing your experience. Really helps to chat to people who get it doesn't it. Monday was a big day :-)

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