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32 and diagnoses

JM250626

Hi! My name is Joe and I've just recently been diagnosed with Autism. I've found that since I've had my diagnosis I'm looking back at decisions I've made or how I've acted in situations and realised that it wasn't me being "weird" or "strange" but was just because my brain is wired differently. It's been quite a revelation and has given me a greater understanding into how I work and that I should be ok with that, and not put myself down because I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. 


My biggest struggle is social events, especially with large family gatherings. Does anyone have any advice on how to tackle these situations? At the moment I tend to make up excuses as to why I can't make it but then feel guilty for days afterward for not going which causes me a lot more stress and anxiety. I don't really want to go to them but feel as though I have to, so any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. 

Thank you and thank you for welcoming me into the community. 

Parents

  • Hi JM250626, welcome to the forum!

    It's a light bulb moment when you discover that for your whole life there is actually a reason for the weirdness, and that actually you aren't alone, there are others who know exactly what you mean and don't think your weird at all!

    I really wish I could give advice on large family gatherings, but it's where I am least functional. I can do my own parents and siblings, but extended family I can only speak to one at a time.

    When there is a gathering I just can't even approach anyone, it ends up me and my husband and kids standing to the side. Sometimes someone comes over and then I can chat no problem, but I just can't go sit down at a table of people already talking. It was easier when the kids were small, I would just go off to look after them, but it's getting more noticeable now they are older. I think they must think poorly of me, which doesn't help. (When I was a child I would sit on the stairs hiding and try and avoid everyone but I don't think this is the tip you are looking for!)

    The only thing I can think of for you, is just before an event, do research into what's going on in the news, read some articles and that will give you things to discuss? Then you can have some scripts practiced to say, oh I read about this, or have you heard about that? But obviously it's better to keep to light articles rather than the bad ones, people won't want to discuss them. But look for good info to share. Maybe they will like it and you will appear knowledgeable?

    All else fails just talk about your interests, but try not to let it all out too quickly. It can be hard not to info dump, but at least it makes talking so much easier!

    Good luck!

Reply

  • Hi JM250626, welcome to the forum!

    It's a light bulb moment when you discover that for your whole life there is actually a reason for the weirdness, and that actually you aren't alone, there are others who know exactly what you mean and don't think your weird at all!

    I really wish I could give advice on large family gatherings, but it's where I am least functional. I can do my own parents and siblings, but extended family I can only speak to one at a time.

    When there is a gathering I just can't even approach anyone, it ends up me and my husband and kids standing to the side. Sometimes someone comes over and then I can chat no problem, but I just can't go sit down at a table of people already talking. It was easier when the kids were small, I would just go off to look after them, but it's getting more noticeable now they are older. I think they must think poorly of me, which doesn't help. (When I was a child I would sit on the stairs hiding and try and avoid everyone but I don't think this is the tip you are looking for!)

    The only thing I can think of for you, is just before an event, do research into what's going on in the news, read some articles and that will give you things to discuss? Then you can have some scripts practiced to say, oh I read about this, or have you heard about that? But obviously it's better to keep to light articles rather than the bad ones, people won't want to discuss them. But look for good info to share. Maybe they will like it and you will appear knowledgeable?

    All else fails just talk about your interests, but try not to let it all out too quickly. It can be hard not to info dump, but at least it makes talking so much easier!

    Good luck!

Children
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