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Neurotypical Wife Trying To Support My Husband

kirstya27

Hi, 

I hope this is OK for me to post here. My husband has many autistic traits and, while the NHS have said they are not going to do an assessment because they feel he is ‘high functioning’ we also can’t afford to go privately at the moment. So we are a bit stuck, and he feels a diagnosis might give him some clarity and understanding of how his mind works. 

I feel it can be really hard to support him at times, due to potential autistic burnout, different communication styles, and what I think might be helpful just not being beneficial to him. It can feel very isolating at times, and I don’t doubt it’s very difficult for him too. 

I’d really like some advice from people in a similar situation to myself, to find out what works in your relationships etc, particularly if you are navigating things with a young child or children. Ultimately I have a husband who I love and want to support, but I don’t think I’m doing the best job of that currently, so any advice or experience would be much appreciated. 

Parents

  • Don't take no for an answer is my suggestion  .

    I suggest that you go back to the GP and explicitly state that "high functioning" is not a valid clinical reason to deny a triage under NICE guidelines, and formally request an NHS Right to Choose referral to an approved private provider funded by the NHS.

    The person looking at the paperwork has not clinically assessed your husband they've just decided the paperwork doesn't show enough "functional impairment" to justify a slot on an overstretched waiting list. (It likely wasn't the GP that bounced it back but a triage team.)

    I personally would demand a re-referral and if required to resubmit be maybe a bit more open about the functional problems in the answers to the form (yes I know it's tough to be so brutally honest about oneself and one's loved ones but it can be done with care and compassion in my experience) - I speak from personal experience of having denied my own limitations and had the very great fortune to have a loving wife who compensated for them for an awful long time when really the "elephant was in the room".

    best wishes

    Phased

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  • Don't take no for an answer is my suggestion  .

    I suggest that you go back to the GP and explicitly state that "high functioning" is not a valid clinical reason to deny a triage under NICE guidelines, and formally request an NHS Right to Choose referral to an approved private provider funded by the NHS.

    The person looking at the paperwork has not clinically assessed your husband they've just decided the paperwork doesn't show enough "functional impairment" to justify a slot on an overstretched waiting list. (It likely wasn't the GP that bounced it back but a triage team.)

    I personally would demand a re-referral and if required to resubmit be maybe a bit more open about the functional problems in the answers to the form (yes I know it's tough to be so brutally honest about oneself and one's loved ones but it can be done with care and compassion in my experience) - I speak from personal experience of having denied my own limitations and had the very great fortune to have a loving wife who compensated for them for an awful long time when really the "elephant was in the room".

    best wishes

    Phased

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