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Mum guilt

Abs

Anyone any ideas how to switch this off?! I can do nothing right no matter what I do to adapt situations/please everyone, yet I still can't switch off the feeling that I'm not doing enough

  • in reply to Abs

    So does everybody. No one is a mind reader. You can't always guess what is best. No one has a crystal ball, you can't know how things will work out.

    It is also hard to make the best decisions when overloaded.

    Given the information and the constraints you have, could you do any better?  You can't look back and blame yourself for things you didn't know. Past you could only do the best it could. You can't blame current you if you can't do things that are impossible 

    The most important thing is quality time and being available. Understanding and emotional help are what counts, not material things.

  • in reply to Stuart333

    You're right, the guilty feeling is on me... I have always tried to please others to my own detriment...I do it with well meaning though...I want to be able to do everything I can to make life more manageable for both my kids but sometimes don't know what that is?! 

  • I think guilt is something you feel, people can't force it onto you. It is a mismatch between what you you expect and and what is real.

    If you have a set of rules or expectations you can't keep or live up to, you may feel guilty.

    The issue is to question whether what you think you should have done is fair or reasonable, is the bar set too high? Are you expecting more than you would of someone else.

    Are you allowing yourself no room to be human - no one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. Are you scared to admit that?

    Coming to terms with yourself, forgiving yourself, treating yourself with some compassion, understanding you did what you could, may help you overcome the guilt.

    You don't tackle the guilt head on, you tackle what is making you feel guilty. It may be hard to face to hard to be brutally honest. It hurts to face your fears, mistakes, etc.  It requires being vulnerable which is difficult if you mask. You have to let the guard down. No one is a machine.

    Maybe you needed more support. You can only do what you can do, everyone just tries to do their best. There is nothing more you can do.

    Also all interactions require two people, two sides, two nervous systems. Make sure you are not blaming yourself for everything.

    I am not sure if this is what you are after. There is no much context.