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New Member - Looking for Relationship Advise and Help

Bridalwhistle

Hey everyone! I'm really excited to be on this forum. I think I will find belonging with a lot of special people. I've seen some veteran members already who are so inspiring and insightful. 

I've been autistic my entire life (28 years), but have only really come to accept it for the past year (but really still a long way to go). It created it's own barriers in school and started an identity crisis in my early and mid twenties. 

Outside of that I used to play a lot of lacrosse. Really fun and unique sport, but I'm really looking for a new hobby now. I started (and need to carry on) learning Danish to prepare for a possible emigration. I have my old grandads binoculars; bird watching would be incredible I think. 

I joined this forum to help connect with other members who are going through relationship trouble. I've been with my fiance for a few years now, but most of the time have caused her pain and overshadowed most of our time together. I've never supported her how she needs it, lacked empathy, and failed to engage active listening. I hope to pick up some wisdom on relationships (and hopefully other topics) along the way. 

I look forward to connecting with you all, and hopefully helping some people along the way whilst embarking on my journey. 

BW

Parents

  • Welcome, I don't know much about relationship advice I'm afraid, others are better at this! The only thing I can think of is to try build routines to help together?

    If she says you're not supportive, maybe she can let you know, either by saying it or signalling by doing something, that she wants support and she can say what she needs at that time, like just a hug, or just letting her vent off steam and you can listen without trying to interrupt or suggest solutions immediately.

    Relationships can be tricky, but if you can be open about what you need from each other and what that looks like, it can help. I'm imagining it might look something like, if she's sitting curled up on the sofa staring into nothing, you might have discussed that means just sitting with her quietly till she wants to talk about it (ignoring her and turning on the TV might have bad outcomes). Just as an example but you'll need to work this out together, kind of like a flow diagram to help you figure out empathy. It's not dissimilar to what I've worked out with my daughter when she's upset.

    A relationship counsellor might be your best bet of it's complicated!

    I will say bird watching is very enjoyable hobby to get into, especially if you have some sentimental value like your granddad's binoculars. I like to imagine what these old items might have seen over the years, what they could say if they could talk.

Reply

  • Welcome, I don't know much about relationship advice I'm afraid, others are better at this! The only thing I can think of is to try build routines to help together?

    If she says you're not supportive, maybe she can let you know, either by saying it or signalling by doing something, that she wants support and she can say what she needs at that time, like just a hug, or just letting her vent off steam and you can listen without trying to interrupt or suggest solutions immediately.

    Relationships can be tricky, but if you can be open about what you need from each other and what that looks like, it can help. I'm imagining it might look something like, if she's sitting curled up on the sofa staring into nothing, you might have discussed that means just sitting with her quietly till she wants to talk about it (ignoring her and turning on the TV might have bad outcomes). Just as an example but you'll need to work this out together, kind of like a flow diagram to help you figure out empathy. It's not dissimilar to what I've worked out with my daughter when she's upset.

    A relationship counsellor might be your best bet of it's complicated!

    I will say bird watching is very enjoyable hobby to get into, especially if you have some sentimental value like your granddad's binoculars. I like to imagine what these old items might have seen over the years, what they could say if they could talk.

Children
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